11 forehead-slapping (fake) tech blog headlines

11 forehead-slapping (fake) tech blog headlines

Summary: This is some industry we're in, no?

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TOPICS: Emerging Tech
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nexttechblog-tweet-scrn

If you're not a Twitter user but love to read about technology online, you're missing out on a hilarious take on tech publishing's least-attractive habits.

It's called "NextTechBlog," and it's an Onion-style send up of -- well, sites like ours.

Consider, for a moment, its mission: "Fake headlines from the bleeding edge of asymmetric disruption in the technology space." Any idea what that means? Me neither, and that stuff gets piped into my ears (and inbox) every day.

The faceless proprietor of said Twitter account has been on a roll lately with very funny fake headlines.

Here are 11 of my favorites:

  1. "We're Not Just Another Technology Site" -- Even though we cover the same stuff in the exact same way.
  2. "15 Barely Attributed Photographs Of Steve Jobs" -- 'Cause, like, everything I find on the Internet is free, right? And it should totally be in a clickable list, right?
  3. "I Am The Only Person On Earth Who Is Angry About This" -- Can you believe they moved the headphone jack? Such an atrocity! What is this, Sudan?
  4. "Shit-Talking Other Tech Blog For Having Low Standards" -- I mean, I may have drank three bottles of wine before I wrote this post but like HONESTLY that other tech blog is the WORST.
  5. "Top ∞ Things We Aren't Doing At The Oracle Conference" -- Because they didn't invite us but we need to write about it anyway.
  6. "Random Thoughts About The Technology Industry That Popped Into My Head While I Was In The Shower" -- You know what Microsoft should do? Bring back Windows Me. Yeah, that's it!
  7. "App Updates Thing" -- Slow news day, obviously.
  8. "Halfhearted Punt Of Study Emailed To Me By PR" -- Videoconferencing is the future, according to Cisco customers.
  9. "A Rumor Reported By Somebody Else?" -- It's OK because there's a question mark.
  10. "Why Something Is Doomed Because I Don't Use It" -- Facebook is just a fad, guys.
  11. "What Something Means For The Future Of Everything" -- Allow me to connect the dots for you!

Don't just sit there, follow the guy already.

Topic: Emerging Tech

Andrew Nusca

About Andrew Nusca

Andrew Nusca is a former writer-editor for ZDNet and contributor to CNET. During his tenure, he was the editor of SmartPlanet, ZDNet's sister site about innovation.

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5 comments
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  • "Apple products are better than everything else, so just give up and die."

    I see that one a lot...
    TheWerewolf
  • "Steve Jobs: Can He still save the world?"

    I see that one a lot too... and variations of it:

    "Can Apple or the World survive without Steve Jobs"

    "Steve Jobs: Ok, we have no news, but hey - just say his name and we get clicks..."
    TheWerewolf
    • What?

      I almost choke on my doughnut when I saw clicks on your post. The space between c and l was too close and it looks like d.

      PS: That what I call slow news day :).
      Jules_01
      • Solution:

        Clear your mind and stop eating doughnuts while on the internet.
        :D
        NexusSloth
  • re:

    I have also seen it too he is such a mad person.Logo pearl|
    Richard Lacey