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Giant Turkey Leg
Nothing says "I tweet, but I'm a badass" more than a giant hunk of meat. But entire steaks or other large pieces of cooked animal protein are nearly impossible to eat single-handed unless they have some sort of built-in handle.
Turkey legs, typically served grilled or barbecued not only show that your are imposing and Viking-like, but also appreciate food with excellent industrial design characteristics.
Everyone loves donuts. But most donuts are too big and messy to eat while you're trying to Tweet.
Munchkins, made by Dunkin Donuts are the answer. These spherical orbs of magical cakey goodness come in eleven flavors, which include cinnamon cake, chocolate glazed and Jelly-Filled.
They even have seasonal variations for the holidays which include pumpkin pie.
Like their larger donut cousins, Munchkins require hot coffee for full effect. So it may present a challenge juggling the styrofoam cup and stuffing your hand into the 48-count mega-box at the same time.
Bagel with Shmear
As a member of the Tribe, I thought very carefully about what food product from the Chosen People should be employed for Twitter and Texting, and I agonized a great deal over which one to choose.
Kosher Hot Dog? Pastrami Sandwich? Potato Knish? It became a interalized debate of Talmudic proportions.
But no, there could only be one.
Bagel with Cream Cheese. What could be better?
The toroid shape makes it ergonomically perfect for holding in your hand, and there is nothing better or more simple in the morning after a long night of partying with computer industry vendors and startups and then having to resume the drudgery of communicating with your flock.
The smooth, neutrally-flavored cream cheese almost wipes those Grey Goose martinis and Jaeger shots away.
Just ask prolific Twitterer, Gartner analyst and fellow Hebrew Michael Gartenberg -- not only does he love his morning bagel, but he tweets pictures OF his bagels, including the crappy airline ones.
For the twitterati, I reccomend flavors such as pumpernickel, whole wheat or plain, as "Everything" and other seeded and topped varieties can cause a rain of debris on your clothing and into your keyboard.