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Bagel with Shmear
As a member of the Tribe, I thought very carefully about what food product from the Chosen People should be employed for Twitter and Texting, and I agonized a great deal over which one to choose.
Kosher Hot Dog? Pastrami Sandwich? Potato Knish? It became a interalized debate of Talmudic proportions.
But no, there could only be one.
Bagel with Cream Cheese. What could be better?
The toroid shape makes it ergonomically perfect for holding in your hand, and there is nothing better or more simple in the morning after a long night of partying with computer industry vendors and startups and then having to resume the drudgery of communicating with your flock.
The smooth, neutrally-flavored cream cheese almost wipes those Grey Goose martinis and Jaeger shots away.
Just ask prolific Twitterer, Gartner analyst and fellow Hebrew Michael Gartenberg -- not only does he love his morning bagel, but he tweets pictures OF his bagels, including the crappy airline ones.
For the twitterati, I reccomend flavors such as pumpernickel, whole wheat or plain, as "Everything" and other seeded and topped varieties can cause a rain of debris on your clothing and into your keyboard.
The Arab Spring of 2011 in Tunisia, Egypt and Libya showed us that there's a whole mess of tweets that originate from the Middle East.
However, Middle Eastern food is not particularly optimized for single-handed consumption.
Hummus? Way too messy. Shwarma Sandwich?
Unwieldy. Cous-Cous Tagine? Are you... Insane?
And then it dawned on me -- Falafel, herb, Cumin and chile seasoned deep-fried balls of Garbanzo and Fava-bean Goodness.
Like the Munchkin, it's completely self-contained and can be popped into your mouth quite easily. And it also addresses the Vegan/Vegetarian crowd.
Given how significant a power China has now come to represent in the technology industry, I thought it would be a bad idea to exclude them from this list.
But like Japanese food, most Chinese food requires some dexterity and hand-eye coordination in order to eat without most of it ending up on your lap.
While ZDNet's own Violet Blue clearly prefers steamy, erotic Dim Sum as her tweeting food of choice, I personally have found the humble Egg Roll to be easier to deal with while engaging in the single-handed pleasure internet exhibitionism.
There's something about that crispy, greasy deep fried wrapper, stuffed with that crack-like mixture of cabbage, roast pork, shrimp and pickled vegetables that really gets my heart racing.
Or it could be that my arteries are clogged up.