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Buy (almost) every American an iPhone 4
With $137.1 billion, Apple could dish out an iPhone 4 to almost every U.S. resident. The U.S. population currently stands at about 314 million, and at the current price of an unlocked iPhone 4 (8GB)—because not everyone is on the same cell network, of course—is a flat rate of $450.
And, to be fair, you could probably skip the 10 million Americans who will miss out on getting a free iPhone. Why? They're probably still in diapers and likely don't even know what an iPhone is.