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Buy (almost) every American an iPhone 4
With $137.1 billion, Apple could dish out an iPhone 4 to almost every U.S. resident. The U.S. population currently stands at about 314 million, and at the current price of an unlocked iPhone 4 (8GB)—because not everyone is on the same cell network, of course—is a flat rate of $450.
And, to be fair, you could probably skip the 10 million Americans who will miss out on getting a free iPhone. Why? They're probably still in diapers and likely don't even know what an iPhone is.
Give every American a check for $436
Now we know that the current U.S. population stands at 314 million residents, if Apple were to divide up its cash reserves equally between everyone living in the country, each American could receive a check for about $436.
This time around, sure, even the kids can have a check if they want one. They can put it towards the ever-burgeoning price of college tuition.
Buy Starbucks, Facebook and Yahoo in one fell swoop
Because you never know when you'll need a coffee maker, a former Web portal giant, and a current Web giant at the drop of a hat—especially for Apple.