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Buy Starbucks, Facebook and Yahoo in one fell swoop
Because you never know when you'll need a coffee maker, a former Web portal giant, and a current Web giant at the drop of a hat—especially for Apple.
Give every Apple shareholder a one-time dividend
If Apple were to give a one-time dividend to its shareholders, they would receive around $146 in cash per share. There are currently just over 939 million shares in Apple.
This might not actually seem like a lot, but remember that this is per share. Some people own a million shares. For instance, Apple chief executive Tim Cook was awarded exactly that, which if he were on the receiving end of a dividend (that he would have to approve, funnily enough) he would receive $146 million in total.
Not bad, is it?
Help out the U.S. military's defense budget
The U.S. government has allocated between $1.03 and $1.41 trillion in defense spending during 2012. That's quite a bit more than what Apple has in the bank.
The U.S. defense budget shows that $54.6 billion will go on veterans' pensions for 2012. Assuming that it stays the same for subsequent years -- it won't, but let's say it does -- Apple could pay for these pensions for a good two-and-a-half years before it runs out of cash at today's rate.