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Give every Apple shareholder a one-time dividend
If Apple were to give a one-time dividend to its shareholders, they would receive around $146 in cash per share. There are currently just over 939 million shares in Apple.
This might not actually seem like a lot, but remember that this is per share. Some people own a million shares. For instance, Apple chief executive Tim Cook was awarded exactly that, which if he were on the receiving end of a dividend (that he would have to approve, funnily enough) he would receive $146 million in total.
Not bad, is it?
Help out the U.S. military's defense budget
The U.S. government has allocated between $1.03 and $1.41 trillion in defense spending during 2012. That's quite a bit more than what Apple has in the bank.
The U.S. defense budget shows that $54.6 billion will go on veterans' pensions for 2012. Assuming that it stays the same for subsequent years -- it won't, but let's say it does -- Apple could pay for these pensions for a good two-and-a-half years before it runs out of cash at today's rate.
Buy Morocco, Cuba, or a small European country
The problem Apple has is that most of its cash offshore—68 percent, to be specific—and out of the U.S. taxman's hands. It can't repatriate its cash or the company will face massive tax bills.
One of the best solutions for Apple is to buy a small country—based on gross domestic product (GDP)—so it can bring in its cash from all corners of the world at a zero-percent tax rate.
Apple could buy country with a GDP of less than $137.1 billion, at least in theory (not including costs to build an iArmy to invade the place). It could make a bid for Morocco, Cuba, or even Luxembourg—a known tax haven—or a small European country like Latvia, and still have some cash left over to give everyone in the country an iPhone.