11 forehead-slapping (fake) tech blog headlines

Summary:This is some industry we're in, no?

nexttechblog-tweet-scrn

If you're not a Twitter user but love to read about technology online, you're missing out on a hilarious take on tech publishing's least-attractive habits.

It's called "NextTechBlog," and it's an Onion-style send up of -- well, sites like ours.

Consider, for a moment, its mission: "Fake headlines from the bleeding edge of asymmetric disruption in the technology space." Any idea what that means? Me neither, and that stuff gets piped into my ears (and inbox) every day.

The faceless proprietor of said Twitter account has been on a roll lately with very funny fake headlines.

Here are 11 of my favorites:

  1. "We're Not Just Another Technology Site" -- Even though we cover the same stuff in the exact same way.
  2. "15 Barely Attributed Photographs Of Steve Jobs" -- 'Cause, like, everything I find on the Internet is free, right? And it should totally be in a clickable list, right?
  3. "I Am The Only Person On Earth Who Is Angry About This" -- Can you believe they moved the headphone jack? Such an atrocity! What is this, Sudan?
  4. "Shit-Talking Other Tech Blog For Having Low Standards" -- I mean, I may have drank three bottles of wine before I wrote this post but like HONESTLY that other tech blog is the WORST.
  5. "Top ∞ Things We Aren't Doing At The Oracle Conference" -- Because they didn't invite us but we need to write about it anyway.
  6. "Random Thoughts About The Technology Industry That Popped Into My Head While I Was In The Shower" -- You know what Microsoft should do? Bring back Windows Me. Yeah, that's it!
  7. "App Updates Thing" -- Slow news day, obviously.
  8. "Halfhearted Punt Of Study Emailed To Me By PR" -- Videoconferencing is the future, according to Cisco customers.
  9. "A Rumor Reported By Somebody Else?" -- It's OK because there's a question mark.
  10. "Why Something Is Doomed Because I Don't Use It" -- Facebook is just a fad, guys.
  11. "What Something Means For The Future Of Everything" -- Allow me to connect the dots for you!

Don't just sit there, follow the guy already.

Topics: Emerging Tech

About

Andrew Nusca is a former writer-editor for ZDNet and contributor to CNET. He is also the former editor of SmartPlanet, ZDNet's sister site about innovation. He writes about business, technology and design now but used to cover finance, fashion and culture. He was an intern at Money, Men's Vogue, Popular Mechanics and the New York Daily Ne... Full Bio

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