IT Anthems: Ericsson WAP Rap

Ericsson's hymn to the power of WAP, like the company's classic Network Intelligence, makes a cheap and unlikely connection between nerdish phone-based techno-speak and sexual accomplishment. The company also differs from others in thinking that WAP is not crap. EHPT (a joint venture with HP) Network intelligence -- return of the classic track No one wants ESOE -- a foul-mouthed protest by Ericsson employees driven made by the companies office automation system Special bonus: twenty seconds of jolly galloping music from joint venture Sony Ericsson, played at the Falsterbo Horse Show. The WAP Rap -- MP3 Audio WAP Rap Lyrics Have you seen the light yet baby?
Seen the WAP glow in your neighbour's eyes?
Do you want to get wireless with me tonight, baby?
Give me your number, and I'll send you something you'll never forget Always connected, always online
We change the old
We share the new
And altogether
We share that view
We have a mission
In our souls
We use the vision
To see the goals
We use the power
It's our tool
And we see the new
Mobile fool
We belong to the third generation
With a mad reputation Only voice -- all talk!
No choice -- time for action!
Only voice -- no crap!
No choice -- just WAP!
No crap!
Just WAP!
No crap!
Just WAP! Give us GPRS
Then get ready for success!
W/CDMA will make them pray!
If you ever get a mess
The answer is you MTS
Cut the wires, start the fires
But beware of nasty virus! Only voice -- all talk!
No choice -- time for action!
Only voice -- no crap!
No choice -- just WAP!
No crap!
Just WAP!
No crap!
Just WAP! Melissa, ahhh lurve ya!
It's you I wanna feel!
Are you for real? Only voice -- all talk!
No choice -- time for action!
Only voice -- no crap!
No choice -- just WAP!
No crap!
Just WAP!
No crap!
Just WAP!
Have you seen the light yet baby?
Seen the WAP glow in your neighbour's eyes?
Do you want to get wireless with me tonight, baby?
Give me your number, and I'll send you something you'll never forget
... never forget
... never forget
... never forget! As usual, please send any information and suggestions to corpanthems@zdnet.co.uk Given the pathetic performance of both HP and Ericsson in IT Anthems, you would expect something special from their joint venture. And you would be right. We are the Future reaches new heights of rubbish corporate music by taking the "we're off into outer space" analogy too far (or some might feel, not far enough). EHPT was a joint venture between Ericsson and Hewlett-Packard for 3G billing and Internet payment. The EHPT starship never achieved orbit, and its wreckage was absorbed into Ericsson during 2001. No one has heard of it since. MP3 Audio Lyrics 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-Zero!
This is a take-off for you and me
It will be thrilling out in space!
We're on a starship named EHPT
And together we will win the race!
We have a vision to be number one
From our position out among the stars
We know what we have to do!
Con-ver-gence!
Con-ver-gence!
We are the future
We are the shining star
We are the pioneers in communications
Through dedication from you and from me
Will bring us much higher
We are the EHPT
Ohhhhh (moans)
We'll build our home above the earth tonight
With innovation, competence and trust
We will reach a state of weightlessness
And for that it takes all of us
Con-ver-gence!
Con-ver-gence!
We are the future
We are the shining star
We are the pioneers in communications
Through dedication from you and from me
Will bring us much higher
We are the EHPT
We are the future
We are the shining star
We are the pioneers in communications
Through dedication from you and from me
Will bring us much higher
We are the EHPT
We are the E... H... P... T!
As usual, please send any information and suggestions to corpanthems@zdnet.co.uk Not only one of the worst songs on the 2002 Anthems charts, but also -- strangely -- one of the most requested. We are proud to revive it here. MP3 Audio Lyrics Transcribed by Peter Judge, whose own mobile hasn't had quite such an impact on his love life...
Comments and suggestions corpanthems@zdnet.co.uk You need intelligence, we can get it
Network intelligence, come and see!
You need intelligence, we can share it
Network intelligence, you and me!
Wanna store your numbers boy?
Then you really need a toy called STP
Well don't you see?
Wanna get your routing right
Even in the darkest night on SAP?
What a brilliant idea
Want a call to reach you girl
Anywhere around the world
Wherever you may be?
That's UPT
Wanna dial short, my friend
To reach another friend,
That's VPN
So let me tell you again
So you can see
What I can see
You need intelligence, we can get it
Network intelligence, come and see!
You need intelligence, we can share it
Network intelligence, you and me!
You need intelligence, we can get it
Network intelligence, come and see!
You need intelligence, we can share it
Network intelligence, you and me!
Now if you're feeling down
And you like a human sound
An operator of love
Like Eros above!
Now don't you wonder why
Some people never cry
They trust in fate
In their permium rate
So don't you be late
And you'll feel great
With some intelligence, you can get it
Network intelligence, come and see!
You need intelligence, we can share it
Network intelligence, you and me!
IP and LSD
What have you got here for me?
I said, one, two, three and four
You've gotta get your number on the form
You've gotta get in the spin
And everyone is sure to win
It's all for you to see
It's just technology!
Come on intelligence, you can get it
Network intelligence, come and see!
You need intelligence, we can share it
Network intelligence, you and me!
Come on intelligence, you can get it
Network intelligence, come and see!
You need intelligence, we can share it
Network intelligence, you and me!
As usual, please send any information and suggestions to corpanthems@zdnet.co.uk ESOE stand for Ericsson Standard Office Environment, a system set up within the company to distribute desktop programs and updates, and control computers. The idea is that it will prevent users from installing unapproved software and prevent viruses spreading. It is also supposed to allow employees to access their desktop from any company computer on the network. The reality is somewhat different, if this samisdat protest reggae song is anything to go by. The lyrics apparently pull no punches, although as they are in Swedish, I have had to take my informant's word for that. The song is part of the growing genre of in-company protest songs. Well, actually, the second one we are aware of, the first being the HP OpenMail Lament. "The song is full of bad words," he tells me. "I am not totally aware of the value of English bad words, as we have a much greater variety fo bad words in Swedish. We usually swear about the devil with different names, not so much about sexual activities. I hope I have catched the feeling of the song." No One Wants ESOE -- MP3 Audio. Warning - explicit lyrics (in Swedish) Lyrics (approximate translation I know what ESOE is, man.
It's a lot of trouble with that crap!
It's a management decision: install it on every computer!
Eh, f**k it! Yeah man, just that! No one wants ESOE, master boss.
No one wants ESOE, a f**king lot of s**t,
You know. It's just a lot of s**t, a lot of s**t, ooh, a lot of s**t.
Yes, it's just a lot of f**king s**t, a lot of s**t,
All over the place.
Oh. (He tumbles!) Ugh.
(It is good for Sweden!) No one wants ESOE, Master boss.
No one wants ESOE, oh yeah.
You know. Just a lot of s**t (It is good for Sweden!)
A lot of s**t all over the place. Are you really supposed to wait for fifteen minutes in the morning, before you can use the computer?
Well, it's.. eh, your computer is too slow, eh.. we have investment
restrictions (System Error 60). Oh, take it Tony. No, remove this f**king ...
Wait, I will fix it, man.. (snip). Wow!
(It is good for Sweden!) Isn't it so that ESOE works better and better? No one wants ESOE. What the hell is he talking about? F**king rap licker! No one wants ESOE. A lot of s**t. There is nothing that can improve, hah! You know. I have tried to map my keyboard (a f**king lot of s**t).
It didn't f**king work at all, didn't find a key. And from where came the Q? Nowhere! You know, you, you know. Edit (He tumbles). I heard that some users have been in?
Really! So.. throw the bastards out!
On the double! System error 60. No one wants ESOE. Oh, yes.
Master boss, no one wants ESOE.
It is good for Sweden!) You know. Oh, I love it, just love it, just love it. I love it. You know. (Oh, holy s**t!) You know. You know. Best in the world..

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