Parents bought me an Apple fruit, not Apple computer: FML

After the news this week, I think the vast majority of us could do with a cheer-me-up post. The FML craze has been spreading like wildfire since the start of this year: the website, Twitter and Facebook especially.

After the news this week, I think the vast majority of us could do with a cheer-me-up post. The FML craze has been spreading like wildfire since the start of this year: the website, Twitter and Facebook especially. "FML", stands for "f*ck my life", has its own dedicated website which I am sure you've seen.

The idea is simple: you start your anecdote with "today...", say your painful and embarrassing message, then end with a simple "FML" at the end. It becomes apparent once you get into the flow of it. With a book now released of "the best of", I thought I'd take the opportunity to post some of my favourites in hope it'll put you in a good mood for the weekend.

  • Today, I graduated from college and my parents gave me an apple. Not the computer, the fruit. FML.
  • Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files on it. I took it to my Dad, who is a computer analyst, to see if he could recover anything. The only thing that he could salvage was my illustrious collection of porn. FML.
  • Today, is my boyfriend and my 3 year anniversary. We decided to give each other something that we really needed. I bought him the $300 worth of books that he needed for college. He surprised me with a workout video and exercise equipment. FML.
  • Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself "what the hell is solid water?". Then I heard my little cousin say "ice". I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML.
  • Today, I had to log in to my computer on a projector in front of business associates at my dad's architecture firm. I typed in my username and apparently didn't hit the tab key hard enough, so I typed my password in the username box. The entire firm now knows my password is "tits123". FML.
  • Today, I was writing a huge paper for a class as our last grade. My dog starts scratching himself. He hit the power button on the computer. Nothing was saved. FML.
  • Today, was my graduation from a prestigious university. In two days I start working at a hot dog stand. FML.
  • Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My dad has been a professor there for 30 years, and is on the board of admissions. FML.
  • Today, I spent the entire morning downloading a 600 megabyte computer game. I will be spending the entire night fighting a 600 megabyte computer virus. FML.
  • Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated and exhausted, I asked everyone to turn their phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my stuff and spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technology whores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML.
  • Today, I was at the library. I went near the computer section when I saw this man cursing and pounding his fists on a computer. He left. I thought I'd check it out. As I sat down, a librarian came over with the security guard and pointed at me. I'm now being fined for destroying public property. FML
  • Today, my dad told me he has been dating my boyfriend's mom while I was away at college. They have gotten pretty serious, and are thinking about getting married. I might be dating my stepbrother. FML.
  • Today, I text my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML.
  • Today, my boyfriend of two years asked me to marry him so that we can consolidate our student loans. FML.
  • Today, I was writing an exam when the student sitting behind me finished and left, kicking his water bottle under my chair. I paid no mind to it. Later, I receive a call from the school that I've been suspended. Apparently that water bottle had cheat notes written all on the inside of the label. FML.
  • Today, I was fixing some photos for a client. I spent 20 minutes trying to Photoshop an unusual black dot out of a picture. Only then did I discover it was a black dot on my computer screen. FML.

Happy weekend, kids.


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