4/6/2001 Blip-diddly-blip! U R NICKED M8! The latest bizarre cultural excrescence to flow from mobile phones' parasitic attachment to Homo Sapiens is the Old Bill's decision to spam scrotes to death. Once a mobile's been lifted, say the peelers, it can be rendered unusable by sending it zillions of text messages. Brilliant. Not that the thieving scum will just toss the offending moby into the nearest bin and go to get another. Not that this will stress an already heaving network beyond breaking point. Not that mobile phones already have built-in location devices that means someone could pop out and actually get the thing back. No, this idea is so unspeakably strange that there must be more to it than that. Will the messages themselves contain some sort of psychological warfare? GIVE URSLF UP & MK IT EZ ON U? Got it! The blaggers have obviously demonstrated a keen interest in law and order and no little initiative, and we do need more plod. Perhaps the text messages will read "GT A GUD JB WITH THE MET -- APPLY NOW!" Stranger things have happened.