Rupert Goodwins' Diary

Thursday 18/8/2005Last night, I was supposed to be out cheering on a group of CNet bods as they participated in some arcane Dockland sport called Dragonboat racing and tonight I was due to be meeting old CNet pals. Neither happened, due to a nasty bout of summer cold that turned my brain to cabbage -- and you don't want to know what it did to my cabbage.

Thursday 18/8/2005

Last night, I was supposed to be out cheering on a group of CNet bods as they participated in some arcane Dockland sport called Dragonboat racing and tonight I was due to be meeting old CNet pals. Neither happened, due to a nasty bout of summer cold that turned my brain to cabbage -- and you don't want to know what it did to my cabbage.

Which was a shame. The Dragonboat racing sounded fun to watch, even if a certain member of the sales staff was so committed to over-delivering that whenever the cox told the team to take ten strokes, she took eleven. I believe she was rapidly educated in the finer points of team communication, with special reference to the proximity of a large body of cold water. By some fluke, the team got through to the next stage, so there may be further reports.

But I was alternately shivering and sweating under the duvet of dismay, locked in a fever dream. How else to explain the visions I had of people stampeding to get to a sale of four year old Apple laptops, some even wetting themselves rather than leaving the queue? I know Apple kit is powerful juju, but so little of it can't possibly lead people into so much degradation. Or the linked hallucination that scientists in Singapore had created a battery powered by pee, to make self-energising electronics-based medical test devices. I tell you, that beats cranking away at a clockwork dynamo when the lights go out. Has anyone told Trevor Bayliss?

And then I heard a far-off voice telling me that Microsoft was going to charge four hundred quid for its next games box, researchers had proved that porn makes you go blind (for about 300 milliseconds) and that President Bush was going to take over the Internet and unilaterally reverse all ICANN's decisions.

What madness. Thank goodness it'll all be over when I get better.

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