A guide for would-be conspiracy theorists

A guide for would-be conspiracy theorists

Summary: In his most recent column, Michael Kanellos has come up with a five-step method for coming up with conspiracy theories . He cites emotion as the source of all conspiracy theories: "When you get down to it, the industry is centered around logic but ruled by emotion.

TOPICS: Tech Industry

In his most recent column, Michael Kanellos has come up with a five-step method for coming up with conspiracy theories . He cites emotion as the source of all conspiracy theories: "When you get down to it, the industry is centered around logic but ruled by emotion. Thus, many of the theories can be actually be boiled down to 'Dell is terrible because they're more popular than I'd like,' or 'The sales guy from Oracle really bugs me.'"

  1. Base everything on circumstantial evidence.
  2. Assume the people you're dealing with are geniuses or, alternatively, dopes.
  3. Play up insignificant facts.
  4. Focus on the omissions.
  5. Everything is really a distraction for a bigger plot.

His explanations under each step are worth reading. For example, for number 4:  

If there's an ad on Yahoo's site for a logistics coordinator, does that mean they'll try to take on Bekins and Mayflower in the shipping and storage industry?

Over the U.S. Labor Day weekend, you can use Michael's methodology to construct your own conspiracy that will then spread around the blogosphere like wildfire. Send them to me and we'll post them on a special "Tech Industry Conspiracy Theory" (TICT) blog page...

Topic: Tech Industry

Kick off your day with ZDNet's daily email newsletter. It's the freshest tech news and opinion, served hot. Get it.


Log in or register to join the discussion
  • Electronics were invented by aliens.

    They taught a few how to take them so they could turn them against humankind during the invasion. The only real safety is to wear a tin foil hat.
    • Not complete enough...

      ...faraday cage to protect you. Needs to cover your entire body. Live line Eletricians have some nice ones.
    • Question?

      Is this why UFO's are occasionaly seen over Washington DC?
    • We're on to them! Dallas is safe!

      Twenty five years ago at a Dallas City Council meeting, an old woman told the city that aliens were radiating her, and she wore a foil hat to protect herself. Although 'officially' the Council did nothing, I am virtually certain that they set up a secret commission to cover Dallas with a foil hat to protect it. It is disguised as smog, but lets us live safe from the alien indluence.
      In fact, I lined my roof with tin foil. (I told the contractor it was 'radiant heat insulation', so he would not tip off the aliens, but I know it works. My cell phone won't work in the house. And Fox HDTV signals (those conspirationalists) do not penetrate it, either.
      We owe that lady a lot.
  • bush

    What about including haliburtian, always relate it to oil, and when in doubt talk about the secrete societies of harvard and yale (fraturnities)
  • Wait, you forgot the Illuminatti

    You know, that group fro 200 years ago that still controls the world from back rooms. Or maybe, when someone says, "They are jacking up oil prices to get rich", just ask who THEY really are.

    Get so tired of the conspiracy types. No logic, only emotion in a logical field. That's just crazy.
    • Who conrols who?

      I thought the Illuminatti was controled by the aliens.
  • center around?

    Fed up with this lazy English. How can you center around anything?
    • Center around something? Easy.

      It is quite possible and correct to say that one thing centers around something else.
      For example, if loopy-left liberals concentrate around Boston and the surrounding area, it is quite proper and correct to say, "The loopy left centers around Boston." Which is to say that Boston is their "center," geographically and philosophically.
      Likewise, if clueless flamers tend to concentrate their invective around Dan Farber's column, it is quite proper to say that "Clueless flamers seem to center around Farber's writings."
      Back to English 101 for you ...
  • Step Zero of Steps 1 ? 5

    Before starting Step 1, the would-be expert has to assume s/he is smarter than all us other fools who can only see the light of the world with his enlightened help; that those who annoy him are in fact the true tools of Beelzebub on Earth; and that we should believe he is not part of a counter-conspiracy worse in fact than the one he damns.
  • Hacker Theory? Why Not??

    Hacker Theory? Why Not??
    It has always amazed me that hacking and creating worms, Spybots and the like have never gone unchallenged in any real way by the so-called Protection Agencies or "Anti Virus" Firms.
    People like Symantec sit on thief cushy little behinds and when it hit's the fan they then do their level best to come out looking like heroes. Not always successful. They don't even answer their fan mail.
    This can be said of many of the firms as well.
    One case in point Secure Point who hired Jaschen before he even got the jail, to begin serving his " Tap on the Hand".
    You begin to see a pattern, you begin to smell a rat, it just possible that the real purpose of all these attacks is to further the ambitions of these Anti Virus firms? Crazy? Think about it.
    Who benefits from all these viruses etc if not the Big Firms?
    There have been rumors going around of "Gangs" of hijackers and hackers on the prowl. Prowl for what? It further states that these "Gangs of well organized hackers are obviously working for somebody Bigger that they and yet never mention who? Who else is in the Virus Business?
    You want a Conspiracy Theory? Here's one, what if these miscreants are actually being surreptitiously paid by the Anti Virus firms to make sure that the firms and the products are always in demand?
    After all, this is business drumming up business isn't it?
    What's to say that "As crazy as it sounds" that Symantec, Kasperky, AVG, Black Ice etc and all the others don't have their own little"gangs" looking for ways to disrupt us so they can come in, patch the hole and come out looking like heroes.
    Who is to say? How do we know for sure.?
    I Don't, Do You?
    Try to remember, it's a "Theory" and Theories are always crazy, that is until proven.
    Then they're not so crazy anymore? are they?
    Aaron A Baker