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Larry Dignan, Andrew Nusca and Rachel King
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Does Facebook really lead to divorce?

By | December 22, 2009, 12:23pm PST

Facebook is popping up in divorce cases as all those pokes, instant messages and high school flames catch up with folks with cheatin’ eyes, according to one rather unscientific story.

The Telegraph in the UK reports that Facebook is fueling divorce claims:

One law firm, which specialises in divorce, claimed almost one in five petitions they processed cited Facebook.

Mark Keenan, Managing Director of Divorce-Online said: “I had heard from my staff that there were a lot of people saying they had found out things about their partners on Facebook and I decided to see how prevalent it was I was really surprised to see 20 per cent of all the petitions containing references to Facebook.

“The most common reason seemed to be people having inappropriate sexual chats with people they were not supposed to.”

Now that statement has escalated into “research.” The Telegraph even calls it research—it’s one law firm scanning its database.

Let’s get real: You could substitute any technological advance for Facebook and write the same story. Rest assured that cell phones hit the scene and quickly became tied up in divorce proceedings. And texting has to have led to divorce. So has the Internet. I’m sure AOL was mentioned in a few cases too back in the day when it mattered.

Does Facebook have a greater role in divorces than Craigslist.com? How about Yahoo IM? There has to be flirting on IM somewhere. How about Google? If you’re going to do any real research you’d have to compare Facebook’s role in divorces compared to a site like AshleyMadison.com that facilitates affairs.

The point: If people are going to screw around they will. Facebook is just a tool that will ride shotgun along with a bevy of other Web properties. Now things may become a little more public on Facebook, but generally speaking the site can’t be considered the sole catalyst for divorce proceedings.

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Topics

Facebook, Instant Messaging, Litigation, Internet, Online Communications, Business Operations, Larry Dignan

Larry Dignan is Editor in Chief of ZDNet and SmartPlanet as well as Editorial Director of ZDNet's sister site TechRepublic.

Disclosure

Larry Dignan

Larry Dignan has nothing to disclose. He doesn’t hold investments in the technology companies he covers.

Biography

Larry Dignan

Larry Dignan is Editor in Chief of ZDNet and SmartPlanet as well as Editorial Director of ZDNet's sister site TechRepublic. He was most recently Executive Editor of News and Blogs at ZDNet. Prior to that he was executive news editor at eWeek and news editor at Baseline. He also served as the East Coast news editor and finance editor at CNET News.com. Larry has covered the technology and financial services industry since 1995, publishing articles in WallStreetWeek.com, Inter@ctive Week, The New York Times, and Financial Planning magazine. He's a graduate of the Columbia School of Journalism and the University of Delaware.

For daily updates, follow Larry on Twitter.

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RE: Does Facebook really lead to divorce?
makrekwe5201-24353687741032271684052513196019 5th Nov
nrqtyr,good post!
View in thread
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Contributr
Yep ...
Adrian Kingsley-Hughes 22nd Dec 2009
... phone, email, txt, IM, even things such as Second Life probably feature just as muc as Facebook.
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CB radio nt
Dragon_z 26th Dec 2009
nt
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Easy
snaconst 22nd Dec 2009
Facebook is just too easy to get information on. While all the other technologies enable the same type of behavior, Facebook is the easiest to get information on spouses from. Carelessness with logons, ease of use, so many people having profiles, saved conversations, the news feed, etc. all lead to everything being so much more public. A cell phone stays in the pocket, Twitter can be confusing and isn't as widespread, AOL had multiple logons that had to be logged into.....

Granted you're still an idiot if you do that, but it just makes finding the idiots easier.
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which is...
T1Oracle 22nd Dec 2009
a good thing! That is what you were going to say right?
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Boo Hoo!
kd5auq 22nd Dec 2009
Gilley's has been replaced.
No wonder it went broke and burned down.
Poor "Urban Cowboys and Cowgirls"!
sad
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RE: Does Facebook really lead to divorce?
sehenry86 22nd Dec 2009
I would think that IMing would be a far greater channel for cheating. For one, it doesn't leave a record in the same way. Interesting article, however! I have also blogged on this subject at: http://tinyurl.com/ygootsg (www.LateBloomerBride.com). It's a topic worth discussing.
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All of it is GARBAGE!
nobama_2012 22nd Dec 2009
All of this social-networking is GARBAGE!
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Oldie...
daftkey 22nd Dec 2009
..I'm sure you shouted the same thing into the receiver of your HAM radio when the rest of us were logging into the local BBS and playing Tradewars and LORD.
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Garbage?
Rodgman 23rd Dec 2009
I can identify with the ?garbage? statement made by nobama_2012. My interpretation of this statement is that it was not meant to be directed at current technologies, but at the fact that there are so many different (new) means of social networking now available, at an instant at one's fingertips, that it has created an irresistible and unhealthy distraction for many people ... to the point where it has become an obsession (can you say OCD). I see this first-hand every day in my own household, much less with my co-workers, neighbors, etc. Frankly, it's gotten to the point where it has become ridiculous. So how does this relate to why and how people cheat on their spouses? Well, it really doesn't. As has already been pointed out, people are going to cheat regardless of any social networking mediums that may be available. But the overall negative nature of all these electronic social networking mediums needs to be pointed out. It can't be too healthy when one can sit behind a computer screen all day and an anonymously communicate with total strangers without ever leaving the house. So much for the old fashion way of learning to develop the social interaction skills needed to function in the real world by getting out and meeting with people face to face. How about people so distracted by their cell phones that you can?t even hold a meaningful conversation with them, not to mention the danger these same people present to other drivers on the road when they?re behind the steering wheel. Call me old too if you wish, but I really don?t like what I?m seeing these days, or the direction things are going in. I certainly don?t advocate going back to the days of no computers and corded phones only, but modern technology has taken over and changed our society, and not necessarily for the better. As the old saying goes, too much of anything is a bad thing. I think that?s happening right now.
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I would not say you are old, necessarily,...
mongo22 Updated - 23rd Dec 2009
...but were you born before the advent of the paragraph break?

Like this?

Merry Christmas/Happy Hannukah to all or whatever you are celebrating this time of year.
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Me too! Ladies and gentlemen, meet another fuddy-duddy.
windozefreak 23rd Dec 2009
nt
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Mr Paragraph is your friend (nt)
fairportfan 27th Dec 2009
.
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I find it quite ironic
Pete "athynz" Athens 23rd Dec 2009
and quite a bit hypocritical that you call social networking "garbage" while using a form of social networking - these very forums - in your pitiful attempt to debunk it. Did you make this same outcry when the Pony Express and the telegraph first came out?

Also I just want to point out that divorce has been around long before Facebook, social networking, and even the internet. Like the author alludes, the means of communication have changed but the end result is the same.
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Yes. And, even a smart gentelman like yourself...
windozefreak 23rd Dec 2009
would have to agree that someone who spends mot of there time on social networks has a problem. Checking in to ZDnet once and a while is no competition at all.
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So you are saying...
mongo22 23rd Dec 2009
...people that spend most of their time on social networks have a problem? I do not, but I am just asking if you feel comfortable defining problems like this and others for pasttimes folks may spend an inordinate amount of time doing.

I almost agree, but with context around it that they neglect a child/children, family that they claim, personal hygeine, employment or things to the detriment of others.

If not, why can't they spend all the time they want on them if it pleases them? What is the meaningful consequence upon which you say must be agreed that this is, in fact, a true problem?

I am being serious and not trying to back you in a corner.
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That all depends...
Pete "athynz" Athens 23rd Dec 2009
I spend a few hours a day on facebook, online forums, and the like as well as work 40+ hours a week, spend time with my family and friends, get things done around the house, exercise... but there is something wrong with me for spending time on social networking sites? I look at it this way - if one is not neglecting the important things like family, friends, work, and chores around the home then what is the big deal? It is in the end MY time to waste as I please... I can waste this time sitting in front of a TV or I can interact with friends who live in other states or other countries...
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up yours
timcat 23rd Dec 2009
duh...get out of the fast lane old man
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Your "Garbage" doubled my salary!
mongo22 Updated - 23rd Dec 2009
Met an old buddy in the same field I am in, he landed me a job under him that affords my wife the luxury of not working, by choice, and raising our children.

I am well-qualified for the position and have improved the company's bottom-line with what I do far more than my salary.

My family life was bettered in the toughest economic time of my life and divorce is unthinkable.

Garbage? Only if you are trash before you sign up. Garbage in, garbage out. Though, I must say I like the word "garbage" - just took mine to the curb with an assist from my 5 year-old son.
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So Facebook is at fault when you are a cheating bast@rd/biatch??
wackoae Updated - 22nd Dec 2009
If your spouse can use the information in your Facebook page, that means that you were more than violating your marital contract. On top of that, you are a dumb azz for publishing self incriminating photos and information on the web .... where it lives forever.

So .... how is that the fault of Facebook??
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I think that no one is faulting Facebook...
windozefreak 23rd Dec 2009
Just that it is easy facilitating apperatus. That's all!
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Checkout the link prefacing the quote...
mongo22 Updated - 24th Dec 2009
...and get back to me. Here, I'll save you some time http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/facebook/6857918/Facebook-fuelling-divorce-research-claims.html
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RE: Does Facebook really lead to divorce?
tim@... 22nd Dec 2009
Facebook, AIM, texting, blah blah none of that leads to
divorce. Cheating ******** will be cheating ********, and
these are just the current tools they use.
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Nooo, the idiots using
todbran@... 22nd Dec 2009
Facebook, MySpace, texting etc. to look for people to fack are what leads to divorce, not the sites themselves. Today's society is too willing to blame everything and everyone else for their problems. Instead, all they have to do is look in the mirror and the person looking back is the one that they should blame for their problems.
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Yah, it is also responsible!
meusterer 22nd Dec 2009
for some divorce cases.
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Really?? How??
wackoae 22nd Dec 2009
Did Facebook make people cheat on their spouses??

Did Facebook make people go out and party while they are supposed to be sick at home?

Did Facebook force people to make pictures about their illegal acts (like using drugs, stealing, destroying private property, etc)?

Tell me how is Facebook responsible for the stupid acts of stupid people??
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Careful how you characterize people...
windozefreak 23rd Dec 2009
I was taught that if you lay down with dogs, you get flees. So, if you use facebook, what does that make you.
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Really?
mongo22 23rd Dec 2009
I was taught not to lay down with dogs. I mean maybe playing with your own dog and he had a flea collar. FB makes you "flee"?
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Are you really saying
Pete "athynz" Athens 23rd Dec 2009
Facebook - and/ or other social networking sites - are responsible for cheating divorce? Really? So there was not divorce and cheating prior to Facebook and social networking? Really, is that your theory?

Okay, let me spell this out for you people who obviously live in caves... Cheating and Divorce have been around for a lot longer than the social networking craze, longer than IM, longer than the internet, longer than computers themselves. All social networking sites are in this situation are tools that cheaters use to... well... cheat on their spouses, they are NOT the root cause. The root causes are as many and varied as there are people - not that it is right but there it is. Again Facebook, texting, IM, etc. are the tools that are currently being used. The ones who are responsible are those who cheated, the ones who initiated the actions and the ones who allowed the actions to take place.
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Cheating and divorce...
wcb42ad 23rd Dec 2009
People have used email to cheat on their spouses. Is email bad then? What about phones? They've been used for that purpose as well. Letters? Long before the internet was even around folks were writing love letters in their affairs. Perhaps we should blame the pen and paper for divorces then. How about face-to-face talking? Cheaters have talked with each other. Maybe that's also the reason for divorce.

Or...

More likely it's just users being stupid. You can't fix that. If you post something on a publicly accessed internet site then eventually someone is going to find out about it.

Divorce will still be here long after social networking has come and gone and will still be an issue long after the next 'social' technological invention(s) as well. Blame the person cheating, not the technology.
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To say Facebook is responsible is irresponsible!
mongo22 23rd Dec 2009
Guns kill innocent people too, not the person acting irrationally with a gun is true, by this logic. How many that mentioned FB in the divorce process would have broken up anyway? I'm guessing nearly all.

Moral fiber, the lack thereof, is what leads to divorce. Marriage is not a life-long honeymoon. It takes both parties working hard at it when tough times hit, and they will come.

People that act in a way that causes a divorce that otherwise would have not ended as such and said behavior is reprehensible, it would have manifested elsewhere if FB did not exist.

Is there ANY personal responsibility and character left so that we are intelligent enough not to allow FB to be the scapegoat of idiocy?

No offense to the late Ponce de Leon, but we have enough youth in this country, we need to find a Fountain of Smart.
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inappropriate sexual chats with people they were not supposed to.
javajunkie@... 22nd Dec 2009
inappropriate sexual chats with people they were not supposed to.

that is in contrast to

"inappropriate sexual chats with people with whom it's ok to"
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The main key words: inappropriate
wackoae 22nd Dec 2009
If it is inappropriate, that means that you are doing something bad.

And somehow we are supposed to believe that Facebook force them to do it .. right?
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RE: Does Facebook really lead to divorce?
muhdazwa@... 22nd Dec 2009
Facebook is like a bar. A convenient place to meet
without leaving your home. Heck you even can flirt while
your wife sleeping beside you.
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Not inappropriate
Dr_Zinj 23rd Dec 2009
Unless the communication is publicly accessible and is supposed to be a privileged communication from your doctor, your priest, or your lawyer; it's not inappropriate.

Husbands and wives engage in sexual communications with other than their spouses because they can't, or don't beleive they can, have those conversations with their spouses.

What does a spouse do when their significant other changes the conditions of their relationship without their consent? The fact is, most people engage in sexual contact outside of their marriages at least some point in their lives. Forsaking all others worked fine when you only lived 10 to 20 years after getting married. When you start living 30, 40 50 to 80 years afterwards, that no longer works well.

No one person can be all things to another. If it's okay to look outside the marriage for your therapist, or your doctor, or your priest; then by extension, it's okay to look outside your marriage for sex that you can't get from your partner. The things to consider are: does you partner love you any less, is your partner bringing back something dangerous, and is your partner using up an unaccepable amount of family resources outside the family?
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Tsk, tsk, tsk Larry!
Mr_Wizard Updated - 23rd Dec 2009
Facebook "can?t be considered the sole catalyst for divorce proceedings." The law firm spokesman never stated that, nor did he imply it.

The point is you just fabricated that, Larry. Shame on you for your creative journalism!
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Misinterpretation?
escapepod 23rd Dec 2009
@Mr_Wizard: I've read this item 6 times to various friends, and none of us interpret Larry as saying the law firm spokesman stated, or implied, that Facebook was the sole catalyst..." etc. I don't see how his last paragraph is fabricating, or creating, anything of the sort.
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No.....
Mr_Wizard 23rd Dec 2009
You can see it your way; I will see it my way.
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OK...
escapepod 23rd Dec 2009
I can live with that.
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Mr_Wizard
Pete "athynz" Athens 23rd Dec 2009
you might want to reread the last paragraph in the article... if not the entire article. There is NOTHING there saying that Dignan claims the law firm spokesman said or implied that facebook was the sole catalyst for divorce - in fact nothing in the entire article gives me that impression. He may have been referring to this part of the article: The Telegraph in the UK reports that Facebook is fueling divorce claims and rebutting their implication.
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Wizard, did you bother to click the link he supplied?
mongo22 Updated - 23rd Dec 2009
The title of that article is:

"Facebook fuelling divorce, research claims"

I believe it is fairly obvious he is debunking the story on that link, not the lawyers quoted. Larry assumed most would click it, since it was where the quote originated.

If anything, Larry agrees with the lawyers that it is anecdotal, empirical evidence that is somewhat interesting to see, assuming that is the belief of the lawyers. The tiny sampling size makes the statistics 100% irrelevant in the grand scheme of its percentage of effect on ALL divorces.

It is FAR from research as the article claims. The story Larry opines from the link is meant to grab readers, not provide meaningful data as its very title suggests, ergo Larry's last paragraph, that is his opinion of THE ARTICLE being RESEARCH.

You can disagree, but your foundation for doing so is completely off-base. A swing and a miss. The ball was in the glove before the barrel of the bat was slighly passed your back shoulder.

Larry throws a fastball in the mid-90's, so you are excused. Lucky for you this was not the split finger variety...
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RE: Does Facebook really lead to divorce?
bill.kunkel@... 23rd Dec 2009
No, lust does.
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RE: Does Facebook really lead to divorce?
dcso580 23rd Dec 2009
Nope, you were a lying, cheating, horny, inquisitive, idiot before Facebook or any other social networking site every arrived. Does Facebook make it easier for those that would have cheated anyway? ABSOLUTELY!
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RE: Does Facebook really lead to divorce?
dcso580 23rd Dec 2009
Absolutely not! I've been using it for our business since they came out. I've reconnected with MANY highschool friends. Nope, not one affair! No interest, no chats, no recollections, NOPE, NOT ONE! You were a lying, cheating, horny, idiot in the first place!!!
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RE: Does Facebook really lead to divorce?
aimcbt@... 23rd Dec 2009
No more than guns lead to murder or alcohol leads to
waking up next to someone you have no recollection of
knowing. ^_^
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Here's the difference
ajfried 23rd Dec 2009
FaceBook is the first massively widespread, socially acceptable ?forum? for re-connecting with people from the past. Heck, it?s not just acceptable, you?re encouraged to connect. This includes every crush, fling, friend-with-benefits, etc. you ever had. Sure, you could have sought out an e-mail address for your high school crush in order to strike up conversation and maybe rekindle something, but FB has made this orders of magnitude easier AND more socially acceptable. Five years ago, it would have been stalking, not it?s just friending.

For many people, five years ago, if one spouse said to another, ?hey honey, I?m e-mailing with, and looking at pictures of my high school sweetheart who I haven?t talked to in 20 years?, it would have been WEIRD. Now, to say ?so and so friended me? is just not a big deal. With all of these old connections being resurrected, for which there never used to be socially acceptable or convenient way to do it, it?s no wonder that spousal jealousy and actual inappropriateness has increased, fueling divorces.
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Absolutely true
IAFarm2 Updated - 23rd Dec 2009
Facebook has made it possible for people who were already so inclined to get back in contact with people their better judgment caused them to leave behind long long ago.
Then, when they've been married for that long long time and the normal tendency to take the spouse for granted sets in, instead of trying to rekindle a fire that's gone out so completely that even the embers are cool, it's much easier to think back to the thrills they remember from when they were young (& attractively "tight"). Before Facebook that would have been all they had the time to do. Just think, and maybe by thinking they'd remember why they'd ultimately chosen their spouse rather than "The Others" & that would be an end to it.
Facebook makes it much easier to reconnect with those "BadBoys ( or Girls )" from one's youth and figure "The kids are grown. The Spouse and I have 'Just Grown Apart'. What would it hurt just to talk? I wonder...." And chances are that the "BadBoys & Girls" have just gotten more smooth and practiced at seduction than when they were inexperienced teens. Cell phone records can easily be made pretty secure on-line from Spousal discovery (a marketing point used on several of the major provider's promotional material - almost word-for-word with what Verizon advertizes, for example). So that part makes it really easy for even the Most Stupid to feel they can "be dangerous" by using it once they've (re)connected easily and shared numbers on Facebook.
I have a brother-in-law who's been a minister for 30 years and he sees it exploding compared to even 5 yrs ago, especially among those "over 40" and even "50".
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RE: Does Facebook really lead to divorce?
Space Eagle 23rd Dec 2009
I think all sites are equally bad about making things easy for cheaters.
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RE: Does Facebook really lead to divorce?
Space Eagle 23rd Dec 2009
I think all sites are equally conducive to cheating as are cell phones. Those with no morals are going to misuse any technology.
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RE: Does Facebook really lead to divorce?
RK90605 23rd Dec 2009
Facebook, MySpace etc. are not the cause of divorce, but it sure makes it easier to connect with people who have no business in your life. My soon-to-be ex-wife reconnected with her first love who she hadn't seen in over 20 years. He cheated on her and broke her heart but she doesn't remember that pain. Supposedly it was just a "Hey, how are you" connection, but I'm not waiting around to see the results. IMO people who are gong to be unfiathful will be so no matter what, but they sure don't need the ease which the Internet provides.
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Becaust most facebook's users..
magallanes 23rd Dec 2009
Because most facebook's users are enough stupid to commit some "mistakes" and, at the same time, they divulge their "mistakes" with photos, names and such.

For example, if you are married and you have a lover then, don't relate your love to the facebook profile... of course, it is a bit easy to void completelly to use facebook.
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RE: Does Facebook really lead to divorce?
makrekwe5201-24353687741032271684052513196019 5th Nov
nrqtyr,good post!

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