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Google and the 'American Idol' creator: The secret tapes

Guest post: Chris Matyszczyk considers what Google and Idol creator and entertainment impresario Simon Fuller might be cooking up that could revolutionize TV.It has been revealed that Google has been meeting with Simon Fuller, he of the Spice Girls, David Beckham and "American Idol," amongst others, to revolutionize the way TV is viewed on the Web.
Written by Chris Matyszczyk, Contributing Writer

Guest post: Chris Matyszczyk considers what Google and Idol creator and entertainment impresario Simon Fuller might be cooking up that could revolutionize TV.

It has been revealed that Google has been meeting with Simon Fuller, he of the Spice Girls, David Beckham and "American Idol," amongst others, to revolutionize the way TV is viewed on the Web.

A waiter at San Francisco’s Café Majestic slipped Chris Matyszczyk a recording of their initial conversation. It makes for very enlightening listening.

BRIN: You know that we at Google are always way ahead of the curve. So if we’re going to do business together, we’re expecting it will be something truly revolutionary.

FULLER: Do you think there had ever been a band like The Spice Girls before I got hold of ‘em? Think about it. Five girls. Singing at the same time. And they all had a nickname. Like Madonna. A total revolution.

BRIN: Hmm. So what have you got for us?

FULLER: Well, Brinny..can I call you, Brinny? ‘Course I can… Well, Brinny, this is brilliant. I mean, really brilliant. This is called So You Think You’ve Got The Spice To Be a GoogIdol?

BRIN: That’s quite a long name.

FULLER: Well, there’s a lot more words on the Web, int’ there? And what I thought we’d do is get singers from all over the world. They all make videos of themselves and then we put them on GoogTube….you are going to change the name, right? And then we’d have two or three judges… say, a bland, neutral one who thinks he’s a real musician, a nice, sappy one who slurs her words, and a really, really nasty one- I think maybe that one would be a Brit- and what they said would make great TV, er, I mean Web TV, er, well, you know, entertainment. Then people online would vote on the videos and then we’d...

BRIN: … Don’t tell me…We’d sign them for nothing, manage them and release CDs and all that?

FULLER: Nah, nah, Brinny. That’s old school. This is all online. Get with it, Brinny…We’d create one of those webpage thingies for the So You Think You’ve Got The Spice To Be a GoogIdol? winner because the trick in this one is that in their videos they have to sing in the shower.

BRIN: Do we really want to see that?

FULLER: They’re great singers, Brinny. And they’d be NAKED!!!! Music and sex. The two biggest things in the world. Think of the money we could make out of that.

BRIN: Er, sure. But isn’t that a bit Big Brother-ish? At Google, we like to do no evil.

FULLER: Well, how d’you buggers ever make any money, then?

BRIN: What?

FULLER: Just kiddin’….this caviar’s nice, innit? Anyways, think about it. NAKED PEOPLE SINGING!!!! NAKED PEOPLE SINGING!!!! That’s the whole idea behind So You Think You’ve Got the Spice To Be A GoogIdol?…see, it’s catchy, innit? hey, I just thought of this, but maybe we could get Scary Spice to be the host…anyways, yeah, and it’s not just you and me that owns the winner…it’s the whole world.

BRIN: The whole world? Yes, I like the sound of that.

FULLER: Once they’ve won the naked singing competition- did I mention these singers will be naked?- they’ll have their own part of the website thingy where you can interact with the winner any time of night or day…you can see who they’re talking to, what they’re watching on the telly, what they’re having for dinner, who they’re snogging…

BRIN: Snogging?

FULLER: You know, it’s what you do before the shagging…they had that English Austin Powers in America, didn’t they?…where was I? Oh, yeah.. and the winner can actually sing when they’re naked….…

BRIN: Mike Myers is Canadian.

FULLER: Well, that’s still a part of England, innit, Brinny?

BRIN: Actually, it’s now a part of America. We need their strong dollar…

FULLER: Yeah, right. So that’s the other beauty of So You Think You Have The Spice To Be a GoogIdol?…you don’t have to worry about dollars, because the whole world is going to be paying us. Euros, yen, kunas, roubles, you name it…

BRIN: Ah, yes, I was going to ask about that. What are they going to pay us for exactly?

FULLER: Easy, Brinny. They’ll pay to vote and we’ll have ads all over this thing. That’s your expertise, innit? Think about it, SoYouThinkYou’veGotTheSpiceToBeAGoogIdol.com will have billions of people on the site every minute of the day. And we’ll have people emailing each other and IMing each other twenty-four hours a day on the site. Everyone will want to talk about NAKED SINGERS!!!!!

BRIN: Er, gmailing, Simon.

FULLER. Sure, Brinny. Whatever that means. You’re the techie in this thing. Where was I? Yeah, every brand in the world is going to want to be in on that… It’ll make MySpacebook look like some old network station like Fox.

BRIN: But, Simon, isn’t American Idol on Fox?

FULLER: Only for a couple more years. Who needs Fox when you’ve got NAKED SINGERS?!!!! SoYouThinkYou’veGotTheSpiceToBeAGoogIdol.com is an infinite experience. It will never end. Never. It’s a living room for the world. It’s where TV is going to go. It’s so interactive that you’ll think the winner is your best friend, your lover, your pet, your brother AND your sister, all rolled into one. It’s the template on which all future entertainment is going to be based.

BRIN: Er, Simon. Do you have any other ideas?

FULLER: Why do we need any other ideas? You can make a fortune from just one. Surely you know that….

BRIN (sighing audibly): Er, Jonathan. Can I get the check, please?

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Chris Matyszczyk has spent most of his career as an award-winning creative director in the advertising industry. He advises major global companies on marketing and creativity. Chris has also been a journalist, covering the Olympics, SuperBowl and other sporting events. He brings a non-techie's perspective to the tech world and a sharp wit to the rest of the world. Check out his "Pond Culture" blog.

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