I blame Steve Jobs and his evil, demon sales ways

I blame Steve Jobs and his evil, demon sales ways

Summary: Fine. So I finally broke down and bought a bleep-bleep-bleep, bleepin' iPad.

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Fine. So I finally broke down and bought a bleep-bleep-bleep, bleepin' iPad. I know, I know. I've been bitching about this thing since the day it was announced, and now I have one. I don't know why, but suddenly I just had to have one.

Buyer's remorse has already set in.

OK, so reading books on the thing is awwwwwsome, far, far nicer than on the Kindle. I tried iBooks and the reading experience is excellent. So is the reading experience using the Kindle app. PDFs are far more challenging, but I suspect I'll get them to show up reliably on the device eventually.

I have fourteen days to return the thing.

Netflix on-demand is quite cool on the iPad. Of course, I have a big-screen HDTV, so why I need Netflix on a tiny screen is unclear. But it's definitely cool.

As long as I have my receipt, and it's undamaged, I should get a full refund.

There were some weirdnesses getting the thing to start working. When I first plugged the iPad into my iMac (yes, I have one of those monstrosities as well), iTunes insisted I'd already configured an iPad. I hadn't. I'm sure of it. But eventually, it let me talk to the iPad.

Then, it decided to dump all my iPhone apps (even the stupid ones) onto the iPad. If I delete an app off the iPad, will it delete it off the iPhone as well?

Oh, and the iPad insisted I use a different iTunes account from the one I use for my iPhone. I'd had to create a new iTunes account to submit my book to the iBook store, so suddenly iTunes decided that was going to be my account for the iPad. Eventually, after some futzing, I convinced the iPad to accept the iTunes account I've used for almost a decade. Joy.

Then again, I could just take the device back tomorrow.

All whining aside, I'm very concerned about the battery on this thing. I've read everywhere that it's supposed to have a 10-hour battery. But as far as I can tell, this battery lasts less than the iPhone. I've been using it for about two hours and it's already at 50% power. That gives the iPad a battery life of about 4 hours -- not 10 hours. I haven't plugged it in overnight yet, so we'll see if that makes a difference. (Update: it did. The iPad charged fully, although I don't know how much run time it has).

Fortunately, the store is only about a half hour away.

I downloaded a few iPad apps from the App store and so far, I'm completely underwhelmed. I'm even less impressed with the apps that come with the iPad. First, of course, three of the apps are actually stores. There's the App store app. There's the iTunes store app. And while the iBooks app doesn't strictly come with the iPad, as soon as you open the App store app, it harasses you to download the iBooks app, so it might as well have been pre-installed.

Which brings me to the bizarre creation called the iPod app. I downloaded a couple of podcasts. They suck. But now I can't delete them. Apparently, I have to dock the frickin' iPad to iTunes before I can remove them. Wow, how hokey can you get?

The returns desk is open until about 9pm.

So I spent $600 on a bigger version of the iPhone. Why? The iPhone already sucks. Could it have really taken Apple four years to discover the idea of folders for apps (and only for the next release of the iPhone). Oooh, what a fabulously innovative feature! Hey, Steve! Palm from 1997 is calling -- they'd like their folder feature back.

So I have this 32GB device, my wrist kinda hurts from holding the thing (it's heavier than it looks), there's nothing it does that the iPhone doesn't already do, and for six hundred smackeroons, the thing didn't even come with a case. Not even a crappy case. Nothing.

If I take back the iPad, I wonder if I can get my $3 back on the iPad apps I just bought.

I haven't even told you about the idiocy that's the iPad email app. Although I'm continually annoyed by the iPhone email app (which doesn't know from collapsing folders), the iPad email app is an exercise in you-must-be-kidding-me. Did you know that you can't just get a message list view? You're always dropped into an email message. Automatically. You must read an email message to use the app. As a result, you're always forced into an open message, which forces it to have "read" status, and which may force you to read something you otherwise wouldn't. It's a spammer's dream.

I honestly don't know what possessed me to buy this dog. I can only blame Steve Jobs and his evil, demon sales techniques. Sure, it beats the pants off the Kindle. And sure, reading is nice. But what else am I going to do with it? It's going to be another piece of consumer electronics gathering dust in my office.

My wife thinks I should keep it.

Some days I truly wonder about Apple. What is it that makes these things so appealing? It's like consumer electronics crack. But like crack, there's no good that can come from these things. On one hand, we're complaining about Apple's policies and on the other, we're running down to the store, hoping there's just one more left in stock.

Sigh. I have the receipt. I do hope they'll take it back. What was I thinking?

I hear Plants vs. Zombies is fun. And We Rule. And Angry Birds. And Cogs. And Dominion...must get them all...NooOOOooOOoo!

I know you want to TalkBack below. I do not want to hear it.

Update: My wife loves it, soooo we're keeping it.

Topics: Apple, Apps, Collaboration, Hardware, iPhone, iPad, Mobility, Smartphones

About

David Gewirtz, Distinguished Lecturer at CBS Interactive, is an author, U.S. policy advisor, and computer scientist. He is featured in the History Channel special The President's Book of Secrets and is a member of the National Press Club.

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Talkback

125 comments
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  • Amen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I wonder about Apple myself. When will they find out that the "King has no clothes"?
    phess11
    • I think Apple is well aware that MS has no clothes

      @phess11
      Or at the very least no style:P

      Pagan jim
      James Quinn
      • I am sure that Steve Jobs would be deeply offended ...

        @James Quinn ... if someone finally told him that he and Bill Gates were cut from the same cloth. Steve sells image. Bill sells value.

        Long after Steve and Bill are gone, though, I expect Microsoft to still be standing and thriving. I don't expect Apple to be quite so lucky!
        M Wagner
      • re: aware

        @James Quinn

        But is Apple aware, they have no clothes?

        But you're right... they do have style.
        Badgered
      • Oh! So you guys are saying the above poster was

        claiming it was Apple who had no clothes? Because why I don't understand. Is Apple saying the iPad does something it does not in fact do? If there were true then Apple should be charged with some sort of fraud don't you think? I mean that seems illegal to my way of thinking is it not? On the other hand I think the iPad does exactly what Apple claims and perhaps more with each new program coming out. That and the eventual OS upgrades and such. So no the king does have clothes you fellows might not agree with his clothing choice and that is your right but clearly he does have clothes, and he seems quite pleased with their fit.. comfortable even:P

        Pagan jim
        James Quinn
      • RE: I blame Steve Jobs and his evil, demon sales ways

        @James Quinn [i]Because why I don't understand.[/i]

        Obviously.
        Badgered
      • @badgered: HILARIOUS!!

        Nicely done sir! :)
        NonZealot
      • My grammar and spelling have always been terrible:P

        @Bagered
        This I've always freely admitted too. Slept through many an English course in my day but did well enough on the quiz and test cause I can memorize short term easily enough. Still only keep in memory what I consider important and well this subject I did not think of as important.

        Still my point does stand. Apple went into designing a tablet device that was not like the others who for the past decade or more have failed in the market place time and again. To this point I have to say Apple's idea or concept seems to have proven itself a success where others have failed time and time again. I admit it is early yet but one can not deny the facts as they stand. It would seem the general public does not want just another computer system in a different form factor?

        Pagan jim
        James Quinn
      • RE: I blame Steve Jobs and his evil, demon sales ways

        @James Quinn

        The comment had exactly ZERO to do with your spelling or grammar.
        Badgered
      • RE: I blame Steve Jobs and his evil, demon sales ways

        mwagner wrote: "...Steve sells image. Bill sells value."

        WOW!!!

        I always thought Steve sold product, and Bill sold promise.

        For instance, iPad vs Courier.
        For instance, iOS vs Windows Phone 7

        This goes all the way back to the Apple I and Microsoft BASIC.

        Bill started promising Microsoft Windows in 1983, months before Steve said, "Say hello to Macintosh."
        Steve Webb
    • RE: I blame Steve Jobs and his evil, demon sales ways

      @phess11 Steve Jobs says that you don't need clothes, they're bulky, expensive, and will soon be replaced by Skin 5.0.
      tricktytom
      • RE: I blame Steve Jobs and his evil, demon sales ways

        @tricktytom <br><br>Yeah, Skin 5.0 that costs $600, that you can only download from the iStore using iTunes to your iBody..........using AT&T only<br><br>How long before the world is over Apple vendor lock-in?
        red400r
      • Nope, Skin 5.0 won't be for sale

        @tricktytom You won't be able to get Skin 5.0 because the content is too suggestive. You may be able to get white-shirt-and-tie 5.0 or full-coverage-with-no-hint-of-body-parts 5.1, though
        fjpoblam
    • RE: I blame Steve Jobs and his evil, demon sales ways

      I could have bought into the ironic tone a bit easier if you'd not been bright enough to fully charge an electronic device before complaining about the low battery life.
      dheady@...
      • RE: I blame Steve Jobs and his evil, demon sales ways

        @dheady@... I thought EXACTLY the same thing. Lol.
        lelandhendrix@...
    • RE: I blame Steve Jobs and his evil, demon sales ways

      @phess11 I discovered the Windows emperor Bill had no clothes decades ago. A gui slapped onto MS-DOS was hardly earthshaking technology even though MSFT was able to dupe millions into thinking it was.
      msuper69
  • RE: I blame Steve Jobs and his evil, demon sales ways

    So, reading between the lines, you don't like it much?

    I won't bother quoting Barnham....
    AndyPagin
  • Hi-larious!!!

    By far the most entertaining iPad article I've read so far. Soooo glad I bought an HP TouchSmart TM2!
    Techanic.ca
    • I assume you did the smart consumer thing....

      @Techanic.ca
      Looked at your wants/needs and checked out what was available and purchased accordingly. BRAVO! I assume that many.. Most even do the same where the iPad is concerned. The iPad is what they want/need and they the purchasers are happy with their device. In other words they to would end their talk back with something like "Soooo glad I bought an iPad". :)

      Pagan jim
      James Quinn
    • You can fool some of the people some of the time

      @Techanic.ca
      but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.

      Apple, however, has proven beyond any doubt that you sure can fool a lot of people out of a lot of money!

      Congrats on your TouchSmart, it is a FAR better device than the iPad.
      NonZealot