Ten Irregular predictions for 2011

Ten Irregular predictions for 2011

Summary: Tis the season for predictions. Here are my 10 Irregular predictions for 2011. There is an 11th. It is a racing certainty.


'Tis that time once again when analysts of all stripes have the Pavlov Dog urge to churn out predictions for the coming year. They can't help themselves. In the spirit of injecting realism into such things here are my highly Irregular predictions for 2011. Some have been stolen, borrowed, plagiarized or culled from colleagues' remarks on Twitter. You know who you are but trust me; I'm in media; I've got your backs.

  1. 2011 will be like 2010 only more so.
  2. Collaboration will be big. Somewhere.
  3. It will be increasingly cloudy. Especially in Manchester, north west England where they get 300 days of rain a year. Elsewhere, the IT media will be buried in cloudy press releases.
  4. Industry analysts wont revisit their 2010 predictions without massaging what they said before. Almost nobody will notice except those who keep an eye on quantitative analyses and call bull on the numbers.
  5. Industry analysts that got more than 10% of their predictions right will crow over their ability to predict the future. Nobody else will care.
  6. Industry analysts will make bold predictions for 2011 based on their current research agendas. Vendors whose offerings align will sign away millions in wasted 'research.'
  7. Software will conclusively prove that cows are the biggest contributors to greenhouse gases. The ensuing bovine cull will ensure population starvation on a massive scale thus solving our climate change issues. Those flogging carbon solutions will be put out of business.
  8. Someone will insert an RSS enabled RFID device into Mark Zuckerberg's rectum so that we all get to know what he really thinks about privacy. As a result, Zuck will have to endure a TSA pat down but will opt to be processed in a private area. That won't prevent any of us from knowing what's going on while enterprise security experts study the resultant data stream with interest.
  9. Social business consultants will win huge government contracts - to be executed from padded cells over the next 25 years. People like me will be relieved that the madness of social business has been correctly allocated the appropriate resources.
  10. Social media will suffer a backlash (oops - it's already happened but the social media mavens didn't notice. This is just to keep them up to speed.)

Fun aside, here's one I guarantee:

Nuisances like me will continue to poke and prod at egregious enterprise application maintenance fees. We'll get increased user support in the public domain.

Image via Photobucket

Topics: Privacy, Collaboration, Security, Software

Dennis Howlett

About Dennis Howlett

Dennis Howlett is a 40 year veteran in enterprise IT, working with companies large and small across many industries. He endeavors to inform buyers in a no-nonsense manner and spares no vendor that comes under his microscope.

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  • RE: Ten Irregular predictions for 2011


    I did need a good Friday laugh to kick off my weekend.
    • RE: Ten Irregular predictions for 2011

      @rhonin I still dont believe pavlov test. People are not animals.
      <a href="http://www.kecioyun.com/" rel="me">oyun</a>
  • RE: Ten Irregular predictions for 2011

    "get 300 days of rain a year" only 300, its improved over the years eh? Wait, you are not counting the 60 snow days?
    Great column!
    • RE: Ten Irregular predictions for 2011

      Do not forget the sleet and the hail days.
      Probably a lot of overlapping.
      Sleet AND rain and snow on the same day.
  • My ZDNET predictions

    1. Mary Jo Foley will tell us: her insider feedback suggests the decorators have been called to Redmond; a M$ spokesperson cannot confirm or deny when, or if, they are due to start painting ; the painting at Redmond has started and is drying nicely; the paint will definitely be completely dry in (Current Year+1)Q2. No news yet on any innovative ideas from research due for incorporation in software products.<br><br>2. Ed Bott will tell us that there is nothing wrong with VISTA, Windows 7, VAIL or indeed any other M$ software that he - of 25 years PC experience - and M$ - of 20 years of global dominance - cannot correct one machine at a time.<br><br>3. The elite MAC fanboys will tell us that because Steve Jobs is the best ... ADOBE products, M$ Office and any browser ... all work 'better' on expensive, underpowered, pseudo-gold-plated PC's. The other 2% of work one does outside these primary applications making up to a fabulous computing experience. They will also tell us that ROLEX is in the fashion business, not the watchmaking business.<br><br>4. Adrian Kingsley Hughes will tell us that the best {hardware item} at the time he wrote his post, and no other, was {manufacturers product ID}. You want a complete working system already? See an OEM or ...<br><br>5. ... Jason Perlow will tell us the answer is virtualisation. He'll then ask what the question was. Rebuilding you mom's PC? Planning a new global datacentre? Virtualisation <img border="0" src="http://www.cnet.com/i/mb/emoticons/wink.gif" alt="wink"><br><br>6. The guy who writes the cloud blog thingy ... whatshisface ... will tell us we need a public cloud, not a private cloud. There are costs savings in terms of power consumption, maintenance manpower, hardware and software volume discount, expertise in reliability and security ... and much more. The principal vendors e.g. Microsoft, Intel, Apple, IBM, ORACLE ... can be relied upon to deliver a value solution. The fact that they are have all been repeatedly convicted by their own Government for: monopoly tactics; illegal share dealings; concealement of product defects and other minor misdemeanours ... should in no way deter us from entrusting our entire computing infrastructure and lifetime's data to their reputable hands.<br><br>7. {XYZ corporation} would like to remind you of our promise to protect your privacy ... coming right after this advertisement based on behavioural analysis of your recent online activities (OK that's all your activities because you are now in the cloud, right?).<br><br>8. Paul Murphy (alias) will tell us ... once every week in fact ... that in 2015 when everything has been virtualised to THE 5 CLOUD DATACENTRES (one per continent for political correctness and to balance global warming) that IBM's design of the 1970's - the Time Sharing Option - graphics terminals talking to a central mainframe - has now been replicated by M$ at ten times the cost of the original. He will sigh and add that SUN Microsystems could have done it at 10% of the original cost instead, if only they had marketed their technology properly.<br>He will also point out that Thomas J. Watson of IBM has been proved right: the world only needs 5 computers. OK, 5 whopping datacentres, near enough don't you think?<br><br>9. I will learn that in the decimal counting system and '10 predictions for next year' category nine is one short and that I must not sink into sarcasm when I criticise industry pundits posting biased BS.<br><br>10. I thought of another. I must ackowledge that ZDNET is good - once you know the biases.
    • RE: Ten Irregular predictions for 2011

      @johnfenjackson@... Can we all get an AMEN??? (ESPECIALLY TO YOUR NUMBER NINE??)
    • RE: Ten Irregular predictions for 2011

      @johnfenjackson@... Loved #8 Wow was that dead on.
    • RE: Ten Irregular predictions for 2011


      This is great. Thanks for the friday morning laugh. :)
    • RE: Ten Irregular predictions for 2011

      @johnfenjackson@... Exc-O-llent
    • EPIC THIS! [N/T]

    • RE: Ten Irregular predictions for 2011

      @johnfenjackson@... Well done. Bravo.
      Larry Dignan
    • RE: Ten Irregular predictions for 2011

      @johnfenjackson@... Hey dude, thanks for the namecheck.

      "The guy who writes the cloud blog thingy ... whatshisface"
  • RE: Ten Irregular predictions for 2011

    That was very good, and some of them while tongue and cheek are pretty close to the accurate!
  • RE: Ten Irregular predictions for 2011

    Now we just need some bone head to produce a top 10 predictions that will bash MS or Apple or Linux. Who will be the first fool for the end of the year knuckle drag?
  • How Come You Can Display Bullshit And We Can't?

    That's not fair.
    • RE: Ten Irregular predictions for 2011

      @yobtaf -I got a special dispensation from 'The Management' (cough)
  • RE: #3 - with a chance of plague

    (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
    J. D. S.