Email paranoia and the out-of-office subculture

By | August 18, 2009, 7:48am PDT

I saw this and I must admit, I do (on the rare occasion I’m not working) try and write somewhat whimsical responses in my out of office notifier. This one tickled me, considering I know the people of the Lake District quite well:

“I’m now out of the office until Monday 24th August, during which time I will be driving nearly the length of England, as I shall be starting in Poole and ending in the Lake District.  During this time I shan’t be checking email or voicemail - partly due to my not wanting to check mail on holiday, and also partly due to the fact that I shall mostly be in the middle of nowhere where I fear that my phone may not get signal, or may get me investigated for witchcraft.”

Email can be the bane of our lives. I will get roughly 80-100 messages through a day depending on time of the month and even the month itself. August is the epitome of dull and with the blistering heat and humidity on par with the Amazon at noon. Nobody likes to work and offices are deserted.

And for those in the southern hemisphere, even though the seasons are reversed the same seems to apply in most places. Damn you, Australia, with your Christmas Day barbecues on the beach. How I envy thee.

But nowadays the email systems we use are so in tune our lives we can’t get away. As one person puts it:

“I get about 200 e-mails a day, that’s more than 60,000 every year. And people have got so demanding, if you don’t answer in half an hour, they’re e-mailing again to say ‘why haven’t you replied?’ and ‘didn’t you get my e-mail?’ An out of office message stops them from freaking out - and it keeps their paranoia down to a dull roar.”

In the same way that if you call someone and don’t get through and just get their answering machine, you’ll leave a message but will ring back just in case they missed the phone the first time you rang.

And as the out of office notification is the only way of really curbing the amount of stuff you get through (with the exception of presence aware systems), you may as well have a laugh with it.

“You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, you wouldn’t have received anything at all.”

“Hi, I’m thinking about your interesting e-mail. Stay right by your computer until you receive my response.”

“I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on the 18th. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.”

While I am ever so tempted to put as a message rule on my Outlook, anything with “press release” gets moved to “junk mail”, for the time being the occasional out of office notification will just have to suffice as the nearest equivalent to an off button.

What would you put as your out of office notification given the chance?

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Topics

Zack Whittaker, a criminologist who studied at the University of Kent, Canterbury, is a journalist, writer and broadcaster.

Disclosure

Zack Whittaker

I worked briefly with Microsoft UK in 2006 but no longer have any connection with the company. Regardless, I remain impartial and unbiased in my views.

I don't hold any stock or shares, investments or industrial secrets in any company, but have signed confidentiality agreements with a number of UK and U.S. organisations, whose names I am not at liberty to disclose.

I was involved with Kent Union, the University of Kent's student union, undertaking voluntary, non-salaried, elected positions between early 2009 and mid-2010.

No other company, body, government department, non-governmental organisation or third sector organisation employs me or pays me a salary in any capacity whatsoever.

As a freelance journalist, whenever expenses are given and taken by a company that is not CBS Interactive, these will be disclosed in each relevant post to ensure transparency.

I currently work with a UK law enforcement unit, but this is an entirely separate position which bears no connection to other work.

(Updated: 23rd October 2011)

Biography

Zack Whittaker

Zack Whittaker, criminologist who studied at the University of Kent, UK, is a journalist, writer and broadcaster.

After studying criminology at university, though still in his early-20's, he has already had a series unconventional work and voluntary positions. He has worked with researchers studying neurological illnesses like Tourette's syndrome (which he suffers from), has given lectures on the nature of disabilities in the public community, and occasionally ends up speaking on television and radio discussing the events of the day.

He first had academic work published at the age of 22, then still an undergraduate, and has been cited by a wide range of publications: from the Huffington Post, Business Insider, AllThingsDigital, The Atlantic Wire and CBS News.

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They send me one email about one subject, then forward me an email about another, then another about something else. If they just sent me one email with questions about all three, i would have alot less email.

The other issue is automatic emails. I typically delete them on site. They are only useful when i am on the go.

However, i am going on vacation next week, i think i might just partake in one of funny ones.

Something like:

"I am currently out of the office until september 8th, i will be driving to the middle of nowhere south carolina with the hopes that all cell phone and internet access is innert. If i do get a signal and am not drunk, i might just check my email. Course that doesnt mean i will feel the urge to use the reply button."
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annoying
bluenote84149 Updated - 18th Aug 2009
It's true, ppl get more and more demanding, but don't play the game, always replying to each enquiry immediately, keeps you out of the focus on the essential. Keep the replying-reading sessions for only a few times a day, always switching to email makes you dumb. I try to work on that myself.
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In all honesty . . .
CobraA1 18th Aug 2009
In all honesty - I just don't publicize my email. Basically it's from work, family, maybe a mailing list, and that's about it.

My volume is generally about one a day. I check it once a day. Everybody on my short list knows that I check it about once a day.
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.
alexh1111 19th Aug 2009
I believe the article is meant to refer to corporate email.

(I'd come back from vacation to find thousands of emails, I could usually whittle it down to a dozen in about an hour, that's the percentage of emails I got that mattered...sigh)
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0 Votes
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In all fairness....
daniel@... 19th Aug 2009
Only 1 email a day!
I love it when people who don't work in an IT Department of a national company try and compare lives.
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One a Cay is a vitamin, not e-mail
Dr. John 28th Aug 2009
If I opened any of my e-mail accounts and found only one message for the day, I'd end up spending the next hour trying to find out what was wrong with that particular server/connection/etc.

0 Votes
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Contributr
Personally...
zwhittaker 18th Aug 2009
I prefer a phone call. But hey, that's me happy
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RE: Email paranoia and the out-of-office subculture
Mihail.a.dimitrov@... 19th Aug 2009
Is that Finnish language on the picture under the english text 'No entry...'?
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Finnish? or Un-Finnish?
mike@... 19th Aug 2009
I believe that's the unpronouncable nightmare set of Runes known as "Welsh"...
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Welsh
william_d_read@... 20th Aug 2009
The council official emailed for a translation fron English to Welsh but got an out of office message back, he took this to be the translation and passed it on to the sign writer. The Welsh had a good laugh !!!
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ooom
CraiGrrr 19th Aug 2009
This reply to your correspondence was crafted with pride by an automated response system which will continue to perform this duty with unswerving devotion and loyalty for a period of time that is yet to be defined.
Good day.
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Good one! (nt)
Dr. John 28th Aug 2009
Good one!
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Hi ,
Best one I have ever copped back as an auto-respond:

Thanks for your email-it's important to me.

I am on vacation until January 15 and, due to server restrictions, all email received during that time will be automatically deleted from my account.

Please feel free to resend the email after January 15 at which time I will attempt to respond in a timely manner.
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Hi
My message would be.
Sorry.....I'm out of the office right now vacationing in Pennsylvania in the heart of Amish country. I'd love to respond, however Amish high speed internet forbids any messaging faster than the speed of a horse & buggy. So by the time I receive your message, I'll be back from my vacation, at which time I'll answer your email
Cheers!
I have 789 in my gmail right now.
An e-mail message from ZDNet brought me here.
It's useless cleaning up a webmail box you know.
Yahoo! was a real pain and now Gmail isn't any better.
I used to worry about them, the old e-mails, maybe I missed a job offer or something, but no, there was nothing. Did I not pay a bill. No, that wasn't there.
It's just a busy, busy thing.
Have you ever had love e-mails? Now there's a thing.
Hopefully you have some idea of whom the love e-mail writer is and you haven't just met them at an online singles site.
A girl who wrote me lives in Russia. She is now disappointed I won't pay what she can't to fly here.
Isn't that something?
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Your message has been assigned number:

23,487,463,728

To be fair, all messages are answered in the order received. Your response will be entered promptly when your number comes up.
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Incomplete?
DNSB 19th Aug 2009
I seem to remember having seen this one with a last line reading: Currently responding to message #491.
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My out-of-office message: You're here, I'm not. Goodbye!
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i always liked this one :
I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ?Loretta? instead of ?Steve?.
Fine for home and personal emails or maybe if you work in some quirky cutting edge media agency, but if one of my staff put a flippant response on their Out of Office I don't think I'd see the funny side. I think you have to think about professionalism and how you're perceived by other people contacting you from outside the organisation. Or, in the case of large corporations, people contacting you from other areas of the organisation. I don't think it sets the right tone.

Perhaps I should just take the stick out of my arse, but it doesn't seem right to me in the context of a professional organisation to say 'haha I probably won't read your email and I might even delete it.'
0 Votes
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It's ok to laugh...
sassypoppet 20th Aug 2009
"My staff"? I'm fairly certain you can't own staff - how about "a member of our team"... but most importantly - why does one have to work somewhere "quirky" to have a sense of humor? And seriously, the "haha I probably won't read your email and I might even delete it" is at least telling the truth (novel concept) and something we all think and do.

In fact, if more "large corporations" found their sense of wit, took a deep breath and found a little personality - they might actually be decent to work with and that would put them on the track of setting the right tone.

Professionalism no longer means stodgy, oppressive or uptight - granted I do sadly recognize that one day common sense became shocking and people forgot how to incorporate this basic characteristic into their existence...

So here's your stick back - a little witticism never hurt anyone and might actually brighten someone's day - even in those large, professional corporations.
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Agree
divendra Updated - 20th Aug 2009
All these people who complain about the volume
of email they receive seem to forget that they
too are sending emails that someone else wishes
they were not. The tone of thsee responses is
not only unprofessional, it's rude.

Face it, email is the way we communicate now.
How would you feel if your inbox were empty ---
like maybe you were out of the loop and didn't
really have any significance?

One offshoot of this IT aversion to a
technology that IT created is the preference,
when available, to using IM in place of
annoying cluttering emails. As one whose work
comes in through email, let me tell you I do
not appreciate being IM'd when they could have
sent me an email which will automatically be
saved, letting me get back to it when I have
the time. The IM is like someone standing there
at your desk, an interruption, and requires
unnecessary typing plus the conscious efffort
to save it since you need the information
that's in there.

It's time people stopped taking emali for
granted and focusing on the negative, and
realize its value.
0 Votes
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out of office reply
muzza2005 20th Aug 2009
Your email is important to you therefore it is important to me. However, I am currently on vacation and have a quandary - margarita or mojito? This is a dilemma as after six of each the decisions get more difficult, as the barmaid gets better looking, and I have difficulty focusing on my Blackbiiry... or is a raspbiry? hee hee.... bu don wurry, i will give yuor email top priority when I can see straight
0 Votes
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;
divendra Updated - 20th Aug 2009
;
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Recently, within the past three months, we had a problem whereby SPAM factories would send us e-mail, to which our out-of-office autoresponder would reply. If the source address was invalid, the bounceback would cause our autoresponder to reply again. Or, if the e-mail was valid, yet used by numerous incoming SPAM messages, our autoresponder would reply many times to valid e-mail addresses. In this way, we believe our company name was placed on a SPAM blacklist.

Once we turned off our auto-responders, and placed a companywide moratorium on autoresonders, and removed our company name from the blacklist, we have not reappeared on the SPAM black list. So, now we have a company policy that states we cannot use autoreponders to send out-of-office e-mails.

Does anyone else have a company, or personal, policy preventing you from using out-of-office automatic replies? Has anyone else run into this problem where you, or your company, ended up on a SPAM blacklist because of your autoresponder?

Thanks,
0 Votes
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I don't use the Out of Office function. It only generates more e-mail (almost all of it spam).

I send a conventional e-mail on my last day before vacation to those people who I think may want a reply from me during the period I am scheduled to be gone. I tell them I am on vacation and my return date.

I could care less if spammers and automatic distribution lists don't get a reply. I also have no illusions about my importance to the company and the likelihood of the CEO e-mailing me while I am gone with an important question. (If it really is that important, the CEO's assistant will track me down or find someone else to answer the question).
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My general practice is not to develop an expectation that I am always available for email contact. I teach, therefore sometimes I must be in the classroom, not reachable by email! I consult, therefore sometimes I will be with a client, and I don't interrupt my session with a client to check my email.

I do not use the Out-of-Office function because I really do not want to broadcast that I am or am not somewhere in particular. In any metropolitan area I can find a Kinko's, log in and see my messages, and no one is the wiser, or if I want to carry an electronic device to get to my email, I will find a Wi-Fi location.
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I am saddened when I see writers like Whittaker exhibit weakness in grammar and punctuation, as it makes it harder to read, and diminishes the language. For example, he wrote "... I do (on the rare occasion I?m not working) try and write somewhat whimsical responses in my out of office notifier." The word "and" is not a substitute for the proper infinitive "to" ("try to write"), and repeatedly he omits hyphens in word combinations that are conditional modifiers (a gerund, or state-of-being verbal used as an adjective) "... my out-of-office notifier."
Later, he writes, "But nowadays the email systems we use are so in tune our lives we can?t get away" which omits the word "with" and several commas. It would read better as "But nowadays, the email systems we use are so in tune with our lives, that we can?t get away." Unless he meant to say the systems are "into" our lives.
As for the 300-500 spam e-mails I get daily, the automated reply would read, "Messages from strangers soliciting me to use products I have not personally requested will trigger a Trojan vibrational program that extracts and releases poison sarin gas from the keyboard of the spam perpetrator as he's typing. All would-be survivors will flee in mindless panic."
0 Votes
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Out Of Office = bad
Dr. John 28th Aug 2009
I've banned the use of out-of-office notices on e-mail here. With the inevitable batch of spam messages, with stolen reply addresses, that get through filters, they end up sending their replies/notices it to innocent third parties, often with quoting enabled. The innocent third parties then report it as spam, if their spam filters don't automatically catch it and do the same thing.

After spending countless hours getting us removed from the myriad blacklists in existence out there, banning the use of the feature was a reasonable attempt at retaining what was left of my sanity.

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