Gallery: The WWDC Keynote Drinking Game

Gallery: The WWDC Keynote Drinking Game

Summary: Every Apple WWDC Keynote is exciting because new products are always being announced. As with any major Apple event, people are riveted to every single word as if the fate of the industry might be at stake. Well, because it probably is. But, why so serious? Shouldn't the WWDC keynotes be fun? Why, you could even make it a game. A drinking game! Yes!

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TOPICS: Apple
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  • Apple always pulls out the mega numbers during its presentations to say how many zillions of something are sold, downloaded or used.

    Every time you hear "Millions" of something, punch the person next to you in the arm for every 100 million or less. So for Four million, one punch. One hundred million, one punch per, up to nine punches for nine hundred million.

    If you hear a "Billion" of anything, the person next to you gets to kick you in the 'Nads. This does not apply to Quarterly Financial Reports.

    If you hear a "Trillion" of anything, one human or animal sacrifice has to be made to appease the Jobs.

  • You know that cool new feature they just announced that already exists in a competitor's product? Like the "Do Not Disturb" feature in iOS which already exists in virtually every Android phone? Or the new 3D maps that Google already has out?

    Every time Apple talks about one of these, flagellate yourself.  

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    Are you ready to play along? Here we go!

    Take 18 Regular shots from Hyperbole. Don't worry, we notified your next of kin.

    Take 7 Suicide Shots. Charlie Sheen just called, he wants to be your AA sponsor.

    Take a hit from 2 iBongs. Are we wasted yet?

    Receive 5 Punches, 6 kicks to the nads, and perform one ritual sacrifice. What a party, right?

    Perform 2 Self-Flagellations for Apple announcing features Google already has in Android and Google Maps/Google Earth. Does it sting bad?
     

     

Topic: Apple

About

Jason Perlow, Sr. Technology Editor at ZDNet, is a technologist with over two decades of experience integrating large heterogeneous multi-vendor computing environments in Fortune 500 companies. Jason is currently a Partner Technology Strategist with Microsoft Corp. His expressed views do not necessarily represent those of his employer.

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  • Nice that you posted these fun things to do after the keynote was finished.

    You must have the same incredible prescience ability of the Great Karnak himself, Jason. I was amazed that you chose the exact revolutionary words that the Apple Keynote speakers used in their presentations. Simply stated, a breakthrough in psychic prognostication. Grin.

    Actually, I envisioned the last image you chose in your photo gallery (specifically, the one of that poor unfortunate soul praying to the great porcelain altar) as what I imagined most of the Microsoft, Google and Linux executives looking like minutes after the Apple WWDC concluded. OMG, we are doomed, they must have thought as they downed one of your potent cocktails after another in a vain attempt to ease their collective pain - a forlorn misery born from a profound inner dread manifested by the certain knowledge that their futures existed in ecosystems of obsolete hardware and software products lacking the brilliant post PC vision and unified ecosystems of their Cupertino rival.
    kenosha77a
  • The WWDC Drinking Game

    I agree with all of your observations regarding the keynotes. The one thing that nobody is saying is the one thing that Apple has no control over. The style of marketing speak that they choose to use in these presentations was the personal invention of one Steve Jobs. Let's face it, he was very good at it. It is even fair to say that Steve Jobs was one of the all time great pitchmen when it came to his products. That's likely because he really believed in what he was droning at Apple. The first keynote of the post Jobs era left me feeling that the presenters just don't believe in the same way Steve did, and it shows. The presentation had all the flowery rhetoric that Steve used so convincingly to get us excited about features and functions that we didn't know we needed, but, the Tim Cooks of the world lack the conviction of a Steve Jobs and hence the ability to excite an entire industry into believing that Apple was delivering innovations that would make the sun rise the next day. Steve is gone and with him the magic that made us all feel that magic. Now we're down to just the product itself without the evangelical flare that made us all want to believe. Apple still makes excellent products and that will continue but after watching the keynote on Monday, I can't help but feel like I was watching a Steve Jobs impression. Rather like watching someone mimic Johnny Carson. The master is dead and Apple should strive to find a presentation that Tim Cook is a little more comfortable with delivering.
    sgrimmet
    • You might need to compare Tim with other company CEO's like...

      Steve Balmer. Now there's a presenter that will make you squirm. He'll get you on your feet... to leave.
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8To-6VIJZRE

      Mike Lazaridis. Keeps the audience on edge. Timing. Punchy.
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTFlJNaXMqc

      It's just a matter of teaching and presentation which was why it's a team effort. Tim runs the company and everyone else does their bit IN the company.
      Player_16
  • WWDC attendees don't need a drinking game,

    they're all drunkenly euphoric already from the latest stream of Godawfully fantastic products from their reason for living....APPLE!!!!!

    Pardon me while I puke.
    mustangj36@...
  • Sucker born every minute

    Maybe some people are finally waking up to the fact that Apple isn't as special as they claim to be.
    John Hanks