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5. Worst battery life: Acer Aspire 3000
We couldn't measure this laptop's mobile performance because its battery life was well short of the 90 minutes that it takes to run the benchmark. But you can use it as long as you want while it's plugged in. Which is totally the purpose of owning a laptop. If you live in the magical realm of Electro-Outlet Land.
6. Worst use of fire-engine red (MP3 player division): Wolverine Data MVP (120GB)
A portable media player that holds 120GB of music, video, and pics? Awesome! A "portable" media player that's roughly the size of the monolith in 2001: A Space Odyssey and available only in fire-engine red? Not awesome! This feature-packed player has a lot going for it, but we resent these facts: we need a wheelbarrow to lug it around, and everyone can see us doing it because it's bright freakin' red.
7. Worst use of fire-engine red (laptop division): CyberPower Xplorer
We haven't carried around anything this red since we played with Tonka trucks. For the record, that was a while ago. This CyberPower laptop makes up for it a bit with decent performance, but anything this red should have a tourniquet wrapped around it. Still, it's probably smaller than the Wolverine Data MVP.