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6. Worst use of fire-engine red (MP3 player division): Wolverine Data MVP (120GB)
A portable media player that holds 120GB of music, video, and pics? Awesome! A "portable" media player that's roughly the size of the monolith in 2001: A Space Odyssey and available only in fire-engine red? Not awesome! This feature-packed player has a lot going for it, but we resent these facts: we need a wheelbarrow to lug it around, and everyone can see us doing it because it's bright freakin' red.
7. Worst use of fire-engine red (laptop division): CyberPower Xplorer
We haven't carried around anything this red since we played with Tonka trucks. For the record, that was a while ago. This CyberPower laptop makes up for it a bit with decent performance, but anything this red should have a tourniquet wrapped around it. Still, it's probably smaller than the Wolverine Data MVP.
8. Worst name for a product that's supposed to go in your living room: Biohazard Media Center Xpress
This rack-style Biohazard multimedia PC will look great next to your LeadPaint-brand A/V receiver, Asbestos-brand speakers, and Steaming Pile of Human Waste-brand HDTV! Hazmat suit sold separately.