IT Anthems: I believe in Teradata

Teradata's Number One (MP3) We don't know enough about boy bands to know which one is being copied in this crooning nonsense of an IT Anthem. However, we know Teradata is a company which once prided itself on its intellectual property -- so it is specially satisfying to see it trying to achieve the intellectual cachet of a boy band. And failing. We don't know when this song was recorded, but we can tell you that Oracle never was about to "give it up" as the Teradata boys suggest. Teradata was formed in 1979, to make a fast database running on proprietary hardware. By 1986, its product handled a trillion bytes (a terabyte, get it?). However, by 1989, it was part of NCR which became part of AT&T, a merger so disastrous that possibly the best thing to come out of it was the atrocious Sister-Sledge inspired anthem We're AT&T. For the first half of the 1990s, Teradata focussed on its massively parallel systems, then as that market ended, it moved to standard hardware, first on Unix, then NT. While Teradata still scores well on benchmarks, it has retreated to the quiet niche of data warehousing, in the backwater that is NCR. They still dream of customers, and they believe, oh yes they do, that they are number one. Sources inside Teradata tell me that despite a "professional" feel, the boys on the song are actually employees in Germany, and the song was recorded in their spare time. Teradata has also been swift to reassure me that data warehousing is not a niche but a very vibrant market. The company has a DMC programme (no, not Run-DMC, but Data Mart Consolidation) which has attracted more than 400 data marts into big data warehouses. Respect! If you have more information, or other anthems as good as this mail them to corpanthems@zdnet.co.uk. Lyrics Ha! You know some people just don't know what I'm talking about
But I know you understand
'Cos I know Teradata Baby, I believe in our database
If you use IBM, it causes traffic jam
And Oracle is tame
And there will be no game
The competition's gone
We are number one! Oracle is all alone,
Waiting by the telephone
All their customers say
Give it up, baby, give it up I know that they can't tash (?)
Though they won't get no cash
Oracle is nearly gone
'Cos Teradata's number one! Baby, I believe in our database
If you use IBM, it causes traffic jam
And Oracle is tame
And there will be no game
The competition's gone
We are number one! Yeah-yeah-
Yes we are!
Yes we are number one! IBM don't understand
The architecture plan
I know that they can
Give it up, baby, give it up And it's a simple rule
Teradata plays it cooooool
Leave them like a fool
Teradata's number one! C'mon everybody! Baby, I believe in our database
If you use IBM, it causes traffic jam
And Oracle is tame
And there will be no game
The competition's gone
We are number one! Love is the primacy
I believe it all came to the pass
Then it came to me
Set me free!
Sure as one and one is two, yeah
I believe in you,
Is what I do
'Cos I believe in you
And it seems so real I was dreaming of a customer
Choosing Teradata's database
I belie-eeeeeeeeeve Baby, I believe in our database
If you use IBM, it causes traffic jam
And Oracle is tame
And there will be no game
The competition's gone
We are number one! I walk through the world and I see it all
I never look down, in case I fall
I'm at the wall
And I still believe, yeah! And Oracle is tame
And there will be no game
The competition's gone
We are number one! Yes we are!
Yes we are!
'Cos Teradata's number one!

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