Thursday

Thursday 9/1/2003Beep! It's another text message from Perdy Patterson, editor of fine cellular consumer publication What Mobile and occasional pizza partner of yours truly.

Thursday 9/1/2003
Beep! It's another text message from Perdy Patterson, editor of fine cellular consumer publication What Mobile and occasional pizza partner of yours truly. As befits a mover and shaker of the media world, she lives in North London -- home, this Christmas, of mad axe-murdering bin bag operatives, a spot of ad-hoc ricin neurotoxin production, and the UK's longest armed siege. Ah yes, the siege... Perdy had a ringside seat. In fact, she was one of the lucky few to find themselves inside the police cordon and thus spending their post-Christmas period under 24-hour curfew. The text messages ranged from the exciting to the heartrending. "They've brought the battering rams into the street!", "We're out of loo paper", "How are we going to see the Arsenal game now?" and "Do you think sniper bullets go through two layers of uPVC?" (answer: "and the rest"). But now it's all over, and she no longer needs an armed escort to get to the offie. Although given the latest Home Office firearm statistics, there may be a market for this service, and perhaps a way for the Metropolitan police to recoup some of their incidental CS gas expenses. Incidentally, I also find myself connected at two removes to the Mad Camden Bin Bag Man. A friend of a friend -- yes, really -- lost her handbag in Camden a couple of years ago, and Beardy found it. He phoned her up and said "come and collect it". She did -- not without some misgivings, which were heightened by the large number of crudely sketched naked women on the flat's walls. That Christmas, she got a card from him. "You may remember me -- I'm the bloke who found your handbag", it said. "If you want to reward me, please send some money to my church." Now, I know there are some strange religions floating around that part of the world, but as far as I know the worst they suggest you do to sinners is forgive them...