Why killer apps are killing me
Ok, I lied. Because it's not only my so-called "killer apps" that are doing me in, it's also the operating systems behind those killer apps. The key phrase there is "operating systems," plural.
You see, at work I'm forced to use Windows, which I abhor. At home I use Macs. Several years ago I declared my house a "Microsoft Free Zone." I did it for the children. (MSNBC is a Microsoft-NBC joint venture.)
As nefarious as I'd like to say Windows is about crashing my computer and generally making most third-party applications as annoying as a blood tick in the nose hairs of a hound dog, truth is, my vaunted Mac is only slightly lower on the annoyance scale.
I've had my fingers inside the guts of computers for more than a dozen years--the technology shouldn't be this hard to use.
If our cars performed like most of our software, I'd wager there would be a groundswell of criticism that would make the Ford/Firestone tire fiasco look like a 4-year-old's sandbox squabble.
If cable companies suffered outages as often as software crashes, there would be hearings on Capitol Hill demanding an answer. Actually, now that I think of it, this is actually a close call.
And if our government had as many glitches as Windows--oh wait, that one's a tie, never mind.
Ripped off by greed
The point is, the software-buying public gets ripped off on a routine basis by software companies driven by one thing: greed. And don't even try to hand me the line that software companies are "customer-oriented."
Software companies keep you and me on hold for more than 65 million minutes a year waiting for tech support to answer our calls, according to Mark Minasi, author of "The Software Conspiracy," a book that blows the lid off the software industry's dirty little secrets.
The software industry is one of the worst about keeping people on hold, according to a study by Service Management International, which concluded that software companies keep people on hold longer than computer hardware companies, airlines, banks or even government agencies.
How bad is it? Minasi says that software makers now have replaced used-car dealers in the rankings of the most distrusted industries, according to the Better Business Bureau.
Speaking of the Better Business Bureau, I looked up the BBB report on Microsoft, just to see if any of my long-suffering compatriots have forged ahead of my ire on their own. Here's what the Better Business Bureau of Oregon and Western Washington says about Microsoft:
"Based on BBB files, this company has a satisfactory record with the Bureau. Any complaints processed by the Bureau in its three-year reporting period have been resolved. The number and type of complaints are not unusual for a company in this industry."
Unfortunately the report doesn't detail how many complaints are "usual" for a software company; I'm thinking somewhere in the neighborhood of 10,000 a day might be close.
No laughing matter
All of this could be one huge joke if the software industry weren't guilty of such hubris and if bad software design were harmless. It's not.
Minasi's book cites examples of truly dangerous software and software that has, literally, killed people.
During the Gulf War, a Patriot missile's guidance computer got messed up and missed an incoming Scud missile, Minasi recounts in his book. That missile killed 28 Americans. Reason: The software in the missile's guidance system had to be rebooted every 14 hours; the failed missile hadn't been rebooted in 100 hours.
Yes, yes, sometimes the "failures" of the software we use can be traced to our own ineptitude. But as Minasi points out, if you or I bought a microwave oven that burned everything we put in it, we wouldn't just sigh and say, "Well, guess I didn't read the manual" or "I can't even program my VCR, how will I ever learn to use this microwave?" You and I would take it --immediately--back to the store and get our money back.
When was the last time you took a piece of software back?
Rife with defects
These software problems aren't "bugs." That's a cute name derived from a long and storied history of an actual "bug" flummoxing a mainframe computer. Software today is rife with defects.
"Those aren't defects that just crop up as people start using that software," Minasi says on his Web site. "No, it's a fact that on average software vendors know about 90 percent of the bugs in that software before they even release it to the public."
Minasi puts a fine point on it in his book: "If McDonalds were run like a software company, one out of every hundred Big Macs would give you food poisoning ... and the response would be, 'We're sorry, here's a coupon for two more."
Payback's a beast
Software companies get away with this crap because we let them; because we keep buying their products and fooling ourselves into believing we are the dummies when something goes wrong.
Stop being a victim; start getting mad.
I could tell you to stop using the software, but I might as well tell Exxon to lower the price at the gas pump because it's just the right thing to do.
So instead get angry with the company and write letters to the management. Demand to know why the software you paid good money for doesn't work as well as your toaster or even your little kid's Speak & Spell.
And you can get a refund, from several sources. In their book "Bad Software," Cem Kaner and David Pels outline in tedious detail several different ways to get a refund. The book has strategies for getting money back from the software company and from the store or mail order house that sold it to you. The duo even writes about how you can take advantage of refund provisions in the Uniform Commercial Code.
I'd write more, but my computer just froze and...