15 Best Things To Eat As You Tweet

Perhaps the quintessential self contained one-handed food, the Twinkie is not only packed with sugar but also preservatives, so that it will actually survive long-term storage, making it a great emergency food for folks needing to tweet in war zones or for social media managers at major geek technology companies having to work late nights.
Other Hostess cakes such as the Ding Dong (or the appropriately-named "Yodel") may be substituted, but we strongly reccomend not consuming snacks which are chocolate covered when attempting to Tweet.

Originally we were going to go with the double-folded pizza slice as used by John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever since one could conceivably hold it in one hand while operating a virtual or full-size keyboard.
However the calzone is actually much more suited for single-handed use and is less likely to drip. Filled with mozzarella and ricotta cheese as well as meats such as pepperoni and ham, and available in both baked and deep fried variants, the Calzone is the clear winner in
Roman tweeting foods.

Potato chips are of course a classic snack and it's really easy to eat them while typing. The problem is, they can often be greasy and messy.

Low-fat Pringles, however, solve this problem by being both ergonomically stacked for sequential eating between tweets, and are also low on grease.

However, we cannot guarantee that they are actually lower in calories, particularly if you consume an entire can at a time, which is the typical end-result.

While many tweets originate from the Subcontinent, most food from India and Pakistan is too messy for single-handed consumption due to heavy saucing and use of clarified butter (ghee).

However, the samosa,
a popular and compact street food of fried dough stuffed with masala-spiced potatoes, peas and optionally meat is an excellent spicy snack for mobile use.

Similar to the Italian calzone but usually smaller, the Empanada is a fried or baked pastry which originates from the Iberian peninsula in Europe and is popular in the Caribbean and Latin America.

Empanadas are stuffed with any number of fillings, which include Picadillo (ground and spiced meat), chorizo sausage, chicken, vegetables and even cheese and fruit pastes such as guava.

Sushi and Sashimi is without question the most beloved cuisine among the elite Twitterati and geeks throughout the technology industry. But
it requires a certain degree of finesse in order to eat.
However, Temaki Sushi, which are conical-shaped and wrapped in nori seaweed, are ideal for one-handed consumption.

The most popular configurations are spicy tuna, negitoro and crispy salmon skin.
For those of you on a budget, try Temaki's blue-collar cousin, Onigiri. These are rice balls wrapped in nori sheets which are stuffed with fillings such as tuna fish, salmon and other ingredients such as pickled plum.

A variant in Hawaii known as Spam Musubi are rice squares topped with -- you guessed it -- grilled slices of America's favorite processed pork product and then wrapped in nori.

Hamburgers are the most popular sandwich items in America, if not the world. But most of them are too big and are far too unwieldy for single-handed consumption.
However, there is a solution -- the slider, the "Mini-Me", square version of the hamburger, which are cooked on large griddles in their own grease along with finely chopped onions, and laid onto small square steamed buns and packed into small paper boxes, which can easily be stacked into paper bags not unlike gun ammunition, ready to be fired into one's digestive system.
In the United States there are two large fast food chains which specialize in Sliders -- White Castle and Krystal. Both of who's products are almost indentical, but with a minor difference -- the White Castle is by default topped with ketchup and the Krystal has mustard.
Neither chain has store locations which can be found within proximity of each other, as if they have carved the United States into a
mini-burger war zone.

If you're looking to "low carb" your Tweeting fuel, search no further than the Slim Jim, a tubular form of beef jerky which comes in assorted flavors and can be found in just about every supermarket check-out counter, as well as in convenience stores all over the country.

Be careful though, these salty meat sticks pack so much MSG that you'll need a mega-sized soft drink to wash it down. Twitterati with hypertension should look for alternative treats, or risk bursting a blood vessel.

Many types of candy make excellent Tweet fuel, but none are so well optimized for single handed consumption as the Twizzler, arguably the most popular licorice-style confection sold in the US.

Made by chocolate mega-manufacturer Hershey, Twizzlers come in various flavors including Strawberry, Cherry, Chocolate, Rainbow and also classic Black Licorice.

Nothing says "I tweet, but I'm a badass" more than a giant hunk of meat. But entire steaks or other large pieces of cooked animal protein are nearly impossible to eat single-handed unless they have some sort of built-in handle.

Turkey legs, typically served grilled or barbecued not only show that your are imposing and Viking-like, but also appreciate food with excellent industrial design characteristics.

Everyone loves donuts. But most donuts are too big and messy to eat while you're trying to Tweet.
Munchkins, made by Dunkin Donuts are the answer. These spherical orbs of magical cakey goodness come in eleven flavors, which include cinnamon cake, chocolate glazed and Jelly-Filled.

They even have seasonal variations for the holidays which include pumpkin pie.
Like their larger donut cousins, Munchkins require hot coffee for full effect. So it may present a challenge juggling the styrofoam cup and stuffing your hand into the 48-count mega-box at the same time.

As a member of the Tribe, I thought very carefully about what food product from the Chosen People should be employed for Twitter and Texting, and I agonized a great deal over which one to choose.

Kosher Hot Dog? Pastrami Sandwich? Potato Knish? It became a interalized debate of Talmudic proportions.
But no, there could only be one.
Bagel with Cream Cheese. What could be better?

The toroid shape makes it ergonomically perfect for holding in your hand, and there is nothing better or more simple in the morning after a long night of partying with computer industry vendors and startups and then having to resume the drudgery of communicating with your flock.

The smooth, neutrally-flavored cream cheese almost wipes those Grey Goose martinis and Jaeger shots away.
Just ask prolific Twitterer, Gartner analyst and fellow Hebrew Michael Gartenberg -- not only does he love his morning bagel, but he tweets pictures OF his bagels, including the crappy airline ones.

For the twitterati, I reccomend flavors such as pumpernickel, whole wheat or plain, as "Everything" and other seeded and topped varieties can cause a rain of debris on your clothing and into your keyboard.

The Arab Spring of 2011 in Tunisia, Egypt and Libya showed us that there's a whole mess of tweets that originate from the Middle East.

However, Middle Eastern food is not particularly optimized for single-handed consumption.

Hummus? Way too messy. Shwarma Sandwich?
Unwieldy. Cous-Cous Tagine? Are you... Insane?
And then it dawned on me -- Falafel, herb, Cumin and chile seasoned deep-fried balls of Garbanzo and Fava-bean Goodness.

Like the Munchkin, it's completely self-contained and can be popped into your mouth quite easily. And it also addresses the Vegan/Vegetarian crowd.

Given how significant a power China has now come to represent in the technology industry, I thought it would be a bad idea to exclude them from this list.

But like Japanese food, most Chinese food requires some dexterity and hand-eye coordination in order to eat without most of it ending up on your lap.
While ZDNet's own Violet Blue clearly prefers steamy, erotic Dim Sum as her tweeting food of choice, I personally have found the humble Egg Roll to be easier to deal with while engaging in the single-handed pleasure internet exhibitionism.

There's something about that crispy, greasy deep fried wrapper, stuffed with that crack-like mixture of cabbage, roast pork, shrimp and pickled vegetables that really gets my heart racing.

Or it could be that my arteries are clogged up.

It's a fashion accessory. It's a dispenser, which makes it almost countercultural and paraphenalia-like.

And it shoots candy right into your mouth. So it's orally-focused.
It's like they made it for the twitterati, right?