Okay, for real: you can't eat this. It's a dismembered stuffed unicorn in a can. The bottom of the tin is easily removable to gain access to the mini dead unicorn inside. No can opener needed.

Sample review:

'I'm a busy professional so I don't have the luxury of just grabbing my bow and quiver and spending days in the high glens hunting fresh 'corn. This product allows me to come home from a hectic day and enjoy a meal packed with that special nutrition only unicorn can provide'.

100% cotton American Flag Pants. Flag pants feature roomy thighs & tapered ankles
Stars and Stripes pattern for patriotic clothing

Sample review:

'I hung them in the closet next to my Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt. Apparently, there is only so much awesome that universe can handle because the close proximity of these two wondrous apparel items caused my house to explode'.

Warning - most of the reviews are definitely NSFW

'Fast and effective' hair removal gel cream for men.

Sample review:

'My calm and loving pet suddenly went from mans best friend to the hound of the Baskervilles in ten seconds flat. Rather frightened I released the hound into the hallway and out of the front door, with the most awful howling he vaulted the wall into the adjacent greyhound stadium he won first prize and I collected £500'.

Latex quality construction. Awesome conversation piece.

Sample review:

It's not big enough to completely cover a horse's head, and it doesn't provide enough air flow for them either.

Dedicated DENON LINK cable made of high-purity copper wire. Connector and cable structure designed to thoroughly eliminate adverse effects from vibration.

Sample review:

While sitting at my desk today, I found myself back in the evening of Jaunary 6, 1980. There was no messy vortex nor any tingling sensation that came with the normal sorts of time travel. The transition was instantaneous!

The UFO detector continually monitors its surrounding area for any magnetic and electromagnetic anomalies.

Sample review:

Now I employ the UFO-02 Detector (by Images SI), and this puppy kicks into action before any of those little creeps can lay a long, slimy grey finger on me.

1 Gallon Whole milk.

Sample review:

How do I drink thee? Let me count the ways.

I drink thee to the depth each cuppeth found

My soul search complete with Tuscan around

For the ends of the Gallon bring sad days

I drink thee whole, Milk; as my waistband frays

Most quiet need, by a cookie drowned

I drink thee freely, as others slim down

'Faster and safer than using a knife'.

Sample review:

Dishwasher friendly, unlike actual bananas in the dishwasher.

Paperback by John W. Trimmer

Sample review:

'For years my husband and I have lived in fear of the large ships which move at will up and down the Lake Erie coast. It was impossible for us to live normally'.

Stealth Black. Carbon Steel And Foldable For Easy Carrying.

Sample review:

'Please do not attempt to use this on the holidays, when trying to escape Grandma's house for the annual, disgruntled family Christmas Party.... The large, glass windowed curio cabinets, filled with porcelain tchotchkes at every corner of the living room and kitchen, will render you into a perpetual circular motion around the room... like a confused, perhaps drunk, spiderman... trying to avoid crashing into one of the malevolent walls of torture...'

Elegant design - just for her! Thin barrel to fit a woman's hand.

Sample review:

'I have purchased this item and it is great for writing after all my hands are much smaller and more feeble than that of a man and normal pens can be too complex for me. I don't have much use for writing though and was wandering how I can use it to make my husband a sandwich. Can any other female users help with how they got around this problem?'

Holds 8.5 x 11 Inch documents. Durable construction is ideal for frequent reference.

After Mitt Romneys gaffe during the run up to the 2012 election , this product quickly became a new meme.

Sample review:

Forget binders full of women. Women should be full of binders. These things are *delicious* with the right soy sauce.

The Ultimate Lube Keg.  Lube pump included.

Sample review:

'I used 5 gallons of this stuff on our 50 year old forklift. And voila, the old girl never ran so good. It also sighs with pleasure from time to time'.

Exceptional artwork on a tee shirt. Comfortable, and durable.

Sample review:

'Ten minutes of mind-numbing quiet envelope your screaming mind. Then from the dark forest you hear the therrump, therrump of running paws through the snow. Your breath is pumping moist air that instantly freezes on your scrubby beard. Glowing eyes emerge from the forest. Three wolves on the right of you, seven in front! Your legs are frozen in terror, and you can't make yourself turn. They stop and you are surrounded.

Suddenly you remember the shirt.

Slowly, you force your shaking and frost bitten hands to move and unzip your fur coat. The wolves are closing in, trotting in a circular motion, closing in. Then the alpha lunges. But at the same time the coat drops from your starved frame, and as it does the moon reflects off the shirt!

Or it could be the actual moon is reflecting your shirt for all it glory! The power of the moon and three wolves t-shirt in the midnight yukon stopped the attacking pack in their tracks, stunned, awed by the power of the human that showed his allegiance to their kind!'

Hours of mindless entertainment. Great gift for the person who has everything except a yodelling pickle.

Sample review:

It's a great portable music solution for yodeling fans. Cheaper than an iPod and the chicks seem to dig it.

An officially licensed the mountain t-shirt.

Sample review:

'Little did I know how my life would change when I got this Unicorn Castle Tee.  I put it on when it arrived, I didn't even wash it. Suddenly I got a phone call!

It was Hugh Hefner. He invited me out to his playboy mansion to be on the newest Girls Next Door TV show'.

Radioactive Ore Sample (NORM) Naturally Occurring Radioactive Materials. Useful for testing Geiger counters and performing nuclear experiments.

Sample review:

'I added a little to my wash, and my clothes came out super bright! So bright, that they glow in the dark now! My greens are now greener! My blues are bluer! And dirt doesn't cling to my clothes anymore! Amazing product!'

Product of the USA.  Approx. 3lbs / 1.4kg.

Sample review:

'I have boiled seven of these rabbits so far, and Michael Douglas has not changed his mind and says that he still does not love me'.

Looking For-Best of David Hasselhoff (Import)

Sample review:

'It is clear to me that the man is the true saviour of modern pop, a title I do not bestow lightly but his qualification is self-evident in the prowess of his songwriting which washes the feeble inscriptions produced by the likes of the Beatles, The Who, Led Zeppelin etc. into the gutter where they rightfully lie, cowering in the shadow of the Great Master.

I urge every citizen of the world to hold aloft a copy of this album, preferably on fire so that the light can cleanse us of our sins. This album reminds us of what it is to be human.

The song "Hot Shot City" is so good it's on fire.

Utterly flammable'.