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2016: Smartphones for President

We pick the high-tech handset each of the presidential candidates should own. We're making galleries great again. It's going to be GREAT. YUGE even.
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By ZDNet Editors, Contributors on
1 of 21 ZDNet Editors/ZDNet

Election 2016: The Smartphones

Every smartphone has a distinct personality, just like the 2016 presidential candidates. Which handset best fits the spirit of each campaign? Read on. We are the editorial staff of ZDNet and we approve this message.

2 of 21 CC BY-SA 3.0 Gage Skidmore

Donald Trump

The Donald is YUGE and his smartphone should be appropriately TREMENDOUS. He'd have the biggest, most glamorous handset money can buy.

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Gold-plated Phone 6s Plus

So we're outfitting The Donald with an iPhone 6s Plus, plated in 18 karat gold and encrusted with diamonds, with a "TRUMP" background skin on it.

Of course, this iPhone wouldn't run iOS. That would be too predictable. This is a near-perfect clone, running CyanoGenMod, made in a factory in China, just like his custom-tailored suits.

Trump OS would make smartphones great again. All his apps are installed manually by his personal assistant, from the Trump App Store.

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​Hillary Clinton

Hillary just screams executive and presidential, and we think she would want something smart looking and presentable.

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BlackBerry Passport

BlackBerry's Passport, which can run a decent amount of Android apps, appeals (somewhat) to the latest generation but at the same time, it's got a keyboard for the older set that still can't figure out how to text properly using a touchscreen.

Plus, it's a BlackBerry, so it's got secure messaging. We think HRC could use some help in that department.

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​Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz. Sleek. Executive. On the surface, he appears polished.

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BlackBerry Z30

Also Sleek and Executive: BlackBerry Z30. BlackBerry OS 10 is also agile, like Ted Cruz. Completely crazy home-grown Canadian QNX operating system though.

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Silent Circle Blackphone

We should probably mention that Cruz also carries a Silent Circle Blackphone in his back pocket.

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​Marco Rubio

Marco Rubio adjusts his positioning depending on the circumstance.

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Motorola Droid Turbo 2

Like Rubio, the Motorola Droid Turbo 2 also adjusts its positioning depending on the circumstance. The device is polished for a bit but can be rattled. There's nothing particularly distinctive about this Android handset, but most importantly, the ringtone should be hard coded in the firmware as "Dōmo arigatō, Mr. Roboto" by Styx.

11 of 21 CC BY-SA 4.0 by Michael Vadon

​Bernie Sanders

Bernie's been doing the same thing for over 20 years and he likes what works for him, and he's frugal.

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1996 Nokia candy bar phone

So Bernie is likely to have a old-school Nokia candy bar, one that he paid $27 for at the local flea market, running on a Straight Talk pre-paid plan. Probably needed his grandchildren to program the speed dial for him.

13 of 21 CC BY-SA 3.0 Gage Skidmore

​Jeb! Bush

We didn't put much thought into Jeb! Bush's smartphone, and neither did his SuperPAC...

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Samsung Galaxy S6

They just went down to the nearest Verizon store and bought the most expensive Samsung they could find because they don't trust that Tim Cook dude.

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​John Kasich

The poor guy is sincere, offers decent experience and he only has a tiny level of support. But we keep rooting for him.

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Microsoft Lumia 950

We're talking about smartphones, right?

17 of 21 CC BY-SA 3.0 Gage Skidmore

Ben ​Carson

What's the craziest choice we could think of?

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Jolla Phone

A Sailfish OS-based Linux device is the craziest choice we could think of. It's appropriate for every troll in our comments section. The volume control only goes to three, so you have to strain to hear it.

19 of 21 CC BY-SA 3.0 Gage Skidmore

​Carly Fiorina

She has dropped out, but you know we had to throw in an HP joke someplace.

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HP IPAQ

The Windows Mobile OS that it ran on was slick for its time, but like her candidacy, nobody really took it seriously. A perfect choice for Ms. Fiorina, who likely would have been using one as CEO when presiding over the most catastrophic merger in the history of the computer industry.

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Palm Pre

Write-in: Palm Pre, although Mark Hurd was actually responsible for that mess.

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