Every Apple Worldwide Developer's Conference (WWDC) Keynote is exciting because new products are always being announced. As with any major Apple event, people are riveted to every single word, following the various liveblogs from numerous sources, as if the fate of the industry might be at stake. Well, because it probably is.
But, why so serious? Shouldn't the WWDC keynotes be fun? Why, you could even make it a game. A drinking game! Yes!
Apple presenters such as Tim Cook and Phil Schiller just love to use flowery and hyperbolic self-praise to describe how great their products are. If you hear any of these words or a variant thereof:
Take one shot for each instance.
If you hear "Magical" take two shots for each instance. And if you hear any four of these words in one sentence within 60 seconds, chug a boilermaker or funnel an entire beer can.
Not only does Apple love to use hyperbole in keynotes and product announcements, but they also love to get digs in at their competitors too.
Every time Apple makes a disparaging remark about a competitor directly or indirectly, take a Suicide Shot. What's a Suicide Shot?
Prepare one shot of tequila, one lime wedge and a plate of salt. Rub the lime wedge in the salt. Simultaneously, squeeze the lime into your eye while drinking the shot of tequila.
Apple executives just love to say how easy their products are to use. If you hear "It Just Works" or "...Just Like That" take a hit from the iBong and pass it around. What you fill it with is your own business.
Apple always pulls out the mega numbers during its presentations to say how many zillions of something are sold, downloaded or used.
Every time you hear "Millions" of something, punch the person next to you in the arm for every 100 million or less. So for Four million, one punch. One hundred million, one punch per, up to nine punches for nine hundred million.
If you hear a "Billion" of anything, the person next to you gets to kick you in the 'Nads. This does not apply to Quarterly Financial Reports.
If you hear a "Trillion" of anything, one human or animal sacrifice has to be made to appease the Jobs.
You know that cool new feature they just announced that already exists in a competitor's product? Like the "Do Not Disturb" feature in iOS which already exists in virtually every Android phone? Or the new 3D maps that Google already has out?
Every time Apple talks about one of these, flagellate yourself.
Take 18 Regular shots from Hyperbole. Don't worry, we notified your next of kin.Take 7 Suicide Shots. Charlie Sheen just called, he wants to be your AA sponsor.
Take a hit from 2 iBongs. Are we wasted yet?Receive 5 Punches, 6 kicks to the nads, and perform one ritual sacrifice. What a party, right?
Perform 2 Self-Flagellations for Apple announcing features Google already has in Android and Google Maps/Google Earth. Does it sting bad?