Software Smack Talk Playbook

(Satire)

I was speaking with my buds at the amazing tech PR firm, Blithering Media. The subject of trash talk came up.  We hear it all the time. I mean what's a press conference or analyst briefing without a couple of really polished digs? I suspect some firms outsource the creation of these pearls to out-of-work comedians. Wherever they come from, Twitter feeds are where they ultimately end up.

If you've got a startup, you're going to hear some smack talk from some of the old guard tech companies that don't appreciate the new competition. Don't take it personal - it's usually a sign that your firm is getting noticed. Your firm is making its way into the sales conversations of your competitors and it is starting to irritate them. You may even find your firm is causing some old school vendor to do a meltdown in front of Wall Street analysts as they try to dismiss your firm.

In time, they'll trash talk your company daily until they decide to buy your firm outright.

So, let's look at the trajectory of smack talk across the lifecycle of your hot, explosive startup.

If your firm is a big dog, established, long-time market leader, your leaders, marketers and sales force have probably thought about using the following sound bites to squash new upstarts. Click image to enlarge.

If your firm is a startup, newbie or up and coming competitor, you're probably tired of the zingers in the previous table. So what are you doing? You've got your own smack talk game plan and it probably looks like this. Click image to enlarge.

When I put these tables together, I had a lot of favorite sound bites that didn't make the final cut (e.g., "George Washington coded there!"). What are some of your favorite trash talk quotes you've heard? C'mon everyone - sharing is good for the soul.