Some EXTREMELY Hard-Hitting Analysis Of Apple's iPad Mini Event. Not.

Some EXTREMELY Hard-Hitting Analysis Of Apple's iPad Mini Event. Not.

Summary: I had some rando thoughts, bon mots, and cheap shots during Tuesday morning's Apple event.


I watched Apple's press conference this morning planning to work up my traditional enterprise-themed blog. See my reactions to the launches of the Microsoft Surface, the iPhone 5, Samsung Galaxy S III, iOS 6, etc.

But I got distracted by Glenn Fleishmann, who was, as usual, leading the #fakeapple commentary on Twitter. It's total Inside Baseball stuff, but hilarious for anyone watching the press conference live on The Verge or ZDNet.

That got me thinking...

The iPad Mini is 7.9 inches, announced CEO Tim Cook. Those worker strikes must really be affecting the precision of Foxconn's factories, as the iPad Mini gained 0.05 inches along the way from rumor to reality...



"To drive home our collective dissatisfaction, we also decided to make the iPad Mini case pantone grey color 422. Rather than 421." 

Also, Hard Candy, Gumdrop and every other case manufacturer that had the BRAZEN AUDACITY to release their iPad Mini case before the event, they are SO screwed...



Nope, not going to fit anymore...

Credit: CNET

Actually, Apple should have rounded up the iPad Mini's screen to 8 inches. EVERYONE knows  the number 8 is lucky in China, Apple's  no. 2 market, and other Asian cultures (it rhymes with the word for generating wealth)...



That's right, 8 rhymes with the word for "Treasure chest full of gold-foil-wrapped chocolate coins" in Mandarin. Or something like that.

Slate magazine's Farhad Manjoo tweeted, "Nobody loves taking photos with their iPads. I mean, some people do, but those people like Nickelback." Well, I think tablets make PERFECT cameras for seniors (no problems with tiny viewfinders here!). And I don't know a single grandpa or grandma who loves Nickelback...
I hear 55-year-old Spike Lee loves shooting with his iPad so much that the next "Spike Lee Joint" is going to be filmed in digital HD with an iPad and edited in iMovie.
100 MILLION iPads Sold! Someone's got their right pinkie in their mouth...

Meanwhile, casually letting slip that you sliced your finger on the razor-thin screen of your new iMac is going to become the new humblebrag. Like papercuts for d-bags...



Not THOSE kinds of papercuts...

Whether consumers flock to the $249 Samsung Chromebook or the $1,199+ MacBook Pro this Xmas should be an official federally-tracked economic indicator, and part of the CPI (Consumer Price Index)...

We could call it the CLI - 'Consumer Laptop Index'. For accuracy's sake, we should have Jack Welch track it...

Thanks everyone, you've been a great crowd. I'm here all week...

PLUG ALERT! SAP has created a quick online quiz to see if your company could benefit from using enterprise apps. It's created by the interactive geniuses at Jellyvision, and is narrated by a fellow who sounds just like Monty Python's John Cleese, so it honestly is quite painless and, dare I say, almost fun, to take.

Topics: ÜberTech, Android, Apple, iPad, Laptops, ARM, PCs

Eric Lai

About Eric Lai

I have tracked technology for more than 15 years, as an award-winning journalist and now as in-house thought leader on the mobile enterprise for SAP. Follow me here at ÜberMobile as well as my even less-filtered musings on Twitter @ericylai

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  • Lucky Number 8

    Don't be so presumptuous, Eric. Only Chinese people know, or people who know Chinese people know, that 8 is a lucky number. Everyone else thinks its 7. And Apple thinks its 7.9.
  • Wait?!

    I FORGOT 7 is a lucky number. I'm going to have to keep this chart handy next time I make any numerologically-oriented comments:

    • Re: Wait?!

      I was once in a building in Kuala Lumpur that had no 14th floor.
      • No 14th floor

        I was in a building like that once. It only had 13 floors ;-)
        Mark Reynolds
  • I can beat that...

    Or rather Sybase can. Several years ago, its flagship database ASE jumped from version 12.5 STRAIGHT to version 15 in order to skip 1) unlucky #13 in the west and 2) unlucky #14 in Asia (4 is homonym for the word 'death' in East Asian languages).
  • iPad Mini Screen Size

    Actually, since we're talking about other countries, how come we're talking about inches anyway. The US as far as I can tell is the only country left that continues to use an archaic measurement system that it didn't invent! Think global - speak global !
    Mark Reynolds
  • Microsoft ZDNet feeding it's audience of Microsoft gamer/hater/creeps...

    "Meanwhile, casually letting slip that you sliced your finger on the razor-thin screen of your new iMac is going to become the new humblebrag. Like papercuts for d-bags..."

    Microsoft ZDNet again feeding it's audience of Microsoft gamer/hater/creeps the anti-Apple snark cynicism, and hatred they live for.