Why Office XP is a real (fill in the blank)

Not that we have anything against Office XP. The latest version of Microsoft's desktop suite has a few nice enhancements, along with hundreds of arcane features we'll never use--but let's face it: This release is a tad heavier on the hype than the hits.

We briefly toyed with an in-depth analysis of Office XP versus Corel WordPerfect Suite 2002 and StarOffice, but then came to our senses. So rather than subject you to yet another Office eXPosition, we decided to let you write your very own Hits & Hype column. Just fill in the blanks.

Title: Office XP: A(n) [ADJECTIVE] upgrade from the [ADJECTIVE] folks in Redmond.

After months of alphas, betas, and release candidates, Microsoft has finally unleashed Office XP on the world. We've been playing with the final version of Office XP for [# OF DAYS, MONTHS, ETC.], and we've got to say, it's really [ADJECTIVE].

Microsoft has added [RIDICULOUSLY LARGE NUMBER],000 new features, though we expect to use only about [REALLY SMALL NUMBER] of them. Among our favorite additions are [PICK TWO OR MORE: Enhanced Document Recovery, Smart Tags, Task Pane, the killing off of Clippy the Office Assistant]; however, we really don't know what the developers were thinking when they decided to include [PICK ONE OR MORE: Enhanced Document Recovery, Smart Tags, Task Pane, the killing off of Clippy the Office Assistant].

Many users have complained about the new, mandatory product registration features that require you to sign over [NAME OF FIRST-BORN CHILD] to Microsoft before using Office XP. In addition, now if you attempt to install the suite on more than one system, Bill Gates will send his bodyguards to your [HOUSE or OFFICE] to personally kick your [FAVORITE BODY PART].

Like most new versions of Office, this one is bigger than the last, requiring approximately 8,000,000 [PICK ONE: megabytes, gigabytes, terabytes] of disk space. But if you have a [PICK ONE: Cray Supercomputer, Storage Area Network, Hal 9000], you should be able to install and run most of the applications without too much trouble.

The big question is whether or not you should upgrade. If you have more money than [NAME OF RICH PERSON--hint, try someone famous--Bill Gates is funnier than your uncle Ned], then sure, why not? It's always nice to be the first [NOUN] on your [URBAN PLANNING UNIT MEASURE] to play with a new toy.

[WITTY CLOSING PARAGRAPH--C'mon, why should we do all the work?]

Can you write a better column that we can? What blanks did we forget to fill in? TalkBack to us! COMMENTARY--When our colleagues at AnchorDesk asked us to cough up one more column on Microsoft Office XP in honor of its launch this week, we wracked our brains trying to come up with something left to say.

Not that we have anything against Office XP. The latest version of Microsoft's desktop suite has a few nice enhancements, along with hundreds of arcane features we'll never use--but let's face it: This release is a tad heavier on the hype than the hits.

We briefly toyed with an in-depth analysis of Office XP versus Corel WordPerfect Suite 2002 and StarOffice, but then came to our senses. So rather than subject you to yet another Office eXPosition, we decided to let you write your very own Hits & Hype column. Just fill in the blanks.

Title: Office XP: A(n) [ADJECTIVE] upgrade from the [ADJECTIVE] folks in Redmond.

After months of alphas, betas, and release candidates, Microsoft has finally unleashed Office XP on the world. We've been playing with the final version of Office XP for [# OF DAYS, MONTHS, ETC.], and we've got to say, it's really [ADJECTIVE].

Microsoft has added [RIDICULOUSLY LARGE NUMBER],000 new features, though we expect to use only about [REALLY SMALL NUMBER] of them. Among our favorite additions are [PICK TWO OR MORE: Enhanced Document Recovery, Smart Tags, Task Pane, the killing off of Clippy the Office Assistant]; however, we really don't know what the developers were thinking when they decided to include [PICK ONE OR MORE: Enhanced Document Recovery, Smart Tags, Task Pane, the killing off of Clippy the Office Assistant].

Many users have complained about the new, mandatory product registration features that require you to sign over [NAME OF FIRST-BORN CHILD] to Microsoft before using Office XP. In addition, now if you attempt to install the suite on more than one system, Bill Gates will send his bodyguards to your [HOUSE or OFFICE] to personally kick your [FAVORITE BODY PART].

Like most new versions of Office, this one is bigger than the last, requiring approximately 8,000,000 [PICK ONE: megabytes, gigabytes, terabytes] of disk space. But if you have a [PICK ONE: Cray Supercomputer, Storage Area Network, Hal 9000], you should be able to install and run most of the applications without too much trouble.

The big question is whether or not you should upgrade. If you have more money than [NAME OF RICH PERSON--hint, try someone famous--Bill Gates is funnier than your uncle Ned], then sure, why not? It's always nice to be the first [NOUN] on your [URBAN PLANNING UNIT MEASURE] to play with a new toy.

[WITTY CLOSING PARAGRAPH--C'mon, why should we do all the work?]

Can you write a better column that we can? What blanks did we forget to fill in? TalkBack to us!