Holiday fun: the best "essay not done" excuses

While many of you have travelled long and far across the country (or state) to get home for Christmas, Hanukkah, and any other holiday during this festive season. But many of you still have essays which need handing in by the end of this or next month. It's not easy sitting down to write an essay at the best of times, but especially when you're at home with a mouth stuffed full of mince pies, and being sloshed off your face on eggnog.

So thinking about it, this really isn't the best time to be writing and handing in essays, especially considering the lecturers marking your work will be just as smashed as you are. Instead, I've come up with some handy excuses from around the web and my own misfitted mind for the worst most ridiculous best excuses not to hand in your work.

• My keyboard was jammed by a giant bug so I couldn't type anything.
• A squirrel ate all the printer ink. 
• You already have it. Are you going mad?
• The computer was involved in a coup d'état and wouldn't let me send it or print it.
• I thought the shredder was where you were meant to hand it in.
• I got drunk, urinated on my computer and it subsequently exploded.
• I marked it myself; I got 93% and a gold star sticker.
• It came out of the printer unexpectedly, so I shoved it back in just to be safe.
• Russian hackers made off with my homework.
• My researching was cut short by a whole load of unusual Wikipedia articles.
• My Blackerry was turned into jam.
• Let's face it, you want to mark it as much as I want to write it.
• I wrote the whole thing in text language after spending too much time on my phone.
• My computer told me a nuclear attack was imminent, and needed my homework to clean up my soilings.
• "Will It Blend?" came to my house and blended my video camera, which had my media dissertation on.
• The SD card which had my essay on was eaten my by baby brother.
• My computer fried during a power cut, and the candle wax dripped all over it.
• My laptop had been defenestrated.
• I sneezed on my computer screen and was taken by the Government to be decontaminated.

If you have any more, feel free to share. Enjoy whichever holiday you celebrate (we live in a very diverse, multi-cultural society after all) and will continue writing after Christmas through and after the New Year.