Business
Some suggestions for AOL and Microsoft
Forget dry topics like IM clients and Windows XP integration. The real arguing points between these two giants should be things like movie cameos, basketball, and Moviefone.
COMMENTARY--The technology press has been abuzz recently with news that Microsoft and AOL Time Warner are deep in negotiations over links between Windows XP, Windows Media Player, and forthcoming versions of the AOL service. Most reports have focused on Microsoft's desire to have AOL integrate Windows Media Player, and to open up AOL's Instant Messenger service, and AOL's desire to be included with the forthcoming Windows XP operating system. But we got a peek at top-secret internal documents from both companies that shed light on the real issues.
Top 5 Microsoft demands:
- Prominent product placement and cameos by top MS execs in six to 12 upcoming AOL Time Warner movies. We're not sure that having Windows XP in the upcoming hacker flick Swordfish would really burnish Microsoft's image, but Bill Gates as a Muggle in this fall's Harry Potter movie? Now we're talking.
- Special appearances by AOL Time Warner recording artists at the Windows XP launch party. It would certainly help liven up Microsoft press conferences, but somehow we have a hard time picturing Madonna and Bill Gates sharing a stage.
- All those annoying AOL CDs sent to the homes of Oracle's Larry Ellison and Sun's Scott McNealy.
- AOL Time Warner changes the name of its small-business magazine, Fortune Small Business, to Fortune Small Business Server. What? Never heard of Fortune Small Business? Don't worry, if our friend didn't work there, we wouldn't have either.
- AOL Time Warner never produces a sequel to Adam Sandler's Little Nicky. The real winner here: Moviegoers everywhere.
Top 5 AOL Time Warner demands:
- Office Assistants based on AOL Time Warner franchises. Bugs Bunny could be a big hit as a Clippy replacement, but we're not so sure about The Sopranos' Big Pussy Bompensiero.
- Complex software algorithms to solve the WB Network's programming woes. If Microsoft can figure this one out, it can solve any IT problem.
- Bill Gates as the new voice of AOL Moviefone. We've got to think this one could backfire. Have you ever heard this guy speak?
- The Paul Allen-owned Portland Trailblazers agree to lose both games during next year's NBA season to the AOL Time Warner-owned Atlanta Hawks. At least the Hawks are guaranteed two wins.
- Every time your PC crashes, a voice announces "You've got Windows." AOL Time Warner is trying to deflect blame from buggy Netscape 6, but somehow we're not sure Microsoft is going to go for this one.
What do you think are the real demands AOL Time Warner and Microsoft have for each other? TalkBack to us below. COMMENTARY--The technology press has been abuzz recently with news that Microsoft and AOL Time Warner are deep in negotiations over links between Windows XP, Windows Media Player, and forthcoming versions of the AOL service. Most reports have focused on Microsoft's desire to have AOL integrate Windows Media Player, and to open up AOL's Instant Messenger service, and AOL's desire to be included with the forthcoming Windows XP operating system. But we got a peek at top-secret internal documents from both companies that shed light on the real issues.
Top 5 Microsoft demands:
- Prominent product placement and cameos by top MS execs in six to 12 upcoming AOL Time Warner movies. We're not sure that having Windows XP in the upcoming hacker flick Swordfish would really burnish Microsoft's image, but Bill Gates as a Muggle in this fall's Harry Potter movie? Now we're talking.
- Special appearances by AOL Time Warner recording artists at the Windows XP launch party. It would certainly help liven up Microsoft press conferences, but somehow we have a hard time picturing Madonna and Bill Gates sharing a stage.
- All those annoying AOL CDs sent to the homes of Oracle's Larry Ellison and Sun's Scott McNealy.
- AOL Time Warner changes the name of its small-business magazine, Fortune Small Business, to Fortune Small Business Server. What? Never heard of Fortune Small Business? Don't worry, if our friend didn't work there, we wouldn't have either.
- AOL Time Warner never produces a sequel to Adam Sandler's Little Nicky. The real winner here: Moviegoers everywhere.
Top 5 AOL Time Warner demands:
- Office Assistants based on AOL Time Warner franchises. Bugs Bunny could be a big hit as a Clippy replacement, but we're not so sure about The Sopranos' Big Pussy Bompensiero.
- Complex software algorithms to solve the WB Network's programming woes. If Microsoft can figure this one out, it can solve any IT problem.
- Bill Gates as the new voice of AOL Moviefone. We've got to think this one could backfire. Have you ever heard this guy speak?
- The Paul Allen-owned Portland Trailblazers agree to lose both games during next year's NBA season to the AOL Time Warner-owned Atlanta Hawks. At least the Hawks are guaranteed two wins.
- Every time your PC crashes, a voice announces "You've got Windows." AOL Time Warner is trying to deflect blame from buggy Netscape 6, but somehow we're not sure Microsoft is going to go for this one.
What do you think are the real demands AOL Time Warner and Microsoft have for each other? TalkBack to us below.