Poor Steve Ballmer can't get broadband to his house! Or so the man claims, telling a load of Microsoft's favourite developers that despite his proximity to Seattle he can't get anything better than 56kbps. He's even complained to the heads of the telcos, but no dice. Which is a charming story -- but really hard to swallow. Friends of mine with a tiny fraction of Ballmer's net worth have had leased lines to their homes since way before ADSL and cable modems turned up: he could just get a T1 in and do like proper geeks did in the olden days. Or he could get a satellite connection for a few hundred dollars, if funds are tight. And if funds are even tighter, he could find a pal within a 10-kilometre range who is in broadband territory, stick a couple of directional antennae up and get his bits by 802.11b. That he hasn't done this -- and has the temerity to complain about getting no broadband action -- is a sorry indictment of the level of technical savvy at the top of the world's most important software company. I beg any Microsoft employees reading this to come to the man's aid and save any further embarrassment -- turn up at his house with the requisite bits, and drag him into the 21st century. Please, for all our sakes.