Burger King's new science experiment is truly creepy
Their principles are being threatened by science.
Slowly but overconfidently, the tech world is subjugating us to its ways.
We pretend we're fighting it, but we're weak, malleable and so overwhelmingly lazy that even our deepest sanctimoniousness won't save us.
Actually, talking of our sanctimoniousness, I know quite a few vegans. They're deeply lovely people who are among the most caring and thoughtful I know. Until you start talking about food.
Then they come over all Mel Gibson in Braveheart and I find myself cowering in a corner and munching on raw skirting board.
Which leads me to a fascinating scientific experiment being conducted by Burger King.
The burger chain has been baring its vegan credentials like a European male bares his Speedos. In the US, Burger King's Impossible Whopper appears to be a whopping success, as it begins to appear across the whole nation.
Now, the chain's Swedish arm is taking the tech just a little further. Or, some might fear, too far.
You see, it's introduced a 50/50 menu. The idea is that if you order a Whopper or a Crispy Chicken Sandwich, you might actually get one. Or you might get the equivalent that's been concocted in a lab. You know, a plant-based equivalent.
The selection will apparently be random.
I fear we're at the cusp of the creepy singularity.
The minute we can't tell meat from lab-tinged plants is the minute we may lose our human essence, for it never to fully return.
These are dangerous times. Why, look at these two Swedish actors who seem mightily confused whether they're eating chicken or something from a garden or forest -- via the lab.
Please try and imagine the shame that might be felt by a diehard meat-eater on learning they've been fooled by a bunch of tech types.
Please also imagine the sheer agony of a vegan who might succumb to the temptation of this Russian Fast-Food Roulette, only to discover their lifelong commitment to greenery has been compromised by Burger King's chicanery.
I confess I've tried the Impossible Burger. I also confess I didn't find it repugnant. Rather, it tasted of nothing at all. It's as if there was a slightly dry slab in the middle of my burger that was drowned out by the taste of all the fixin's on top.
Tech has already infiltrated the burger experience. It's not just the touchscreen ordering that's begun to make humans redundant. Let's not forger Flippy the Robot, who has already started flipping burgers with allegedly greater AI-enhanced precision than a human ever could.
Soon, we'll walk into a Burger King, order on a screen, watch a robot flip our burgers and then bite into a patty that's been made in a lab.
Is this really having it your way?