"It was fine when I was six, but now I'm 10."
With these words, a little girl damns Apple's latest machine to the garbage can of history.
"My dreams are big, so I need a real computer," she continues.
What, I hear you cry, is a real computer? Well, it's a Microsoft Surface Go.
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What I'm describing, you see, is Microsoft's latest attempt to denigrate Apple's claims that the iPad is a computer.
In a new ad, the little girl sings away about her dreams and how Apple can never fulfill them.
She wants to code. She wants to save the manatee. Apparently, the Surface Go can help her do both these things.
I confess the ad is a touch light on why the Surface Go can do all these wonderful things, but the iPad can't.
This is, though, merely the latest round in a carping match that's been going on for some time.
What's effective about this latest Microsoft ad is that it really does appeal to the buyers, as well as the users.
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It allows them, in its cheery, sing-songy way, to consider for a mere moment that there exists something other than an iPad.
iPad has become a generic term for tablets. Why, even when Microsoft paid the NFL $400 million to place the Surface into its broadcasts, announcers still referred to it as an iPad.
Slowly, the Surface has begun to creep into Apple's tablet territory.
Here, Microsoft tries to make parents and grandparents feel guilty for buying their astoundingly demanding 10-year-old anything but a Surface Go.
Still, if she's going to code and save the manatee, you have to give her the best, right?
The only slight question is whether the Surface Go really is the best.
Who knows, perhaps the iPad Pro can save the whale.
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