Phone Home? Facebook Home another intolerable waste of time

As a Facebook hater, you might find it unsurprising that I also hate 'Home' but it goes deeper than a hate for Facebook alone. It goes all the way back to AOL of the mid-90s.
Written by Ken Hess, Contributor

I didn't listen to Zuckerberg's big announcement today, because if it's Facebook related, I just don't care to hear it. Unless, of course, it's the utter dismantling of Facebook, that is. Now, that, I'd listen to. Heck, I might even make some old school popcorn* and cozy up with a brewsky for that announcement. But alas, it's not to be. Not yet, at least. Instead, it was an announcement about yet another useless thingamabob from Facebook that millions will flock to — to annoy, to irritate (comment), to update, to post and to Like till their little hearts are content. Things like "Home" remind me of the original AOL. Easy. Cheesy. Annoying.

In the same way that I hated AOL, I also hated Prodigy and, to an extent, CompuServe. They were easy Internet onramps for Ma and Pa Kettle** and I just didn't think that the common man (or woman) deserved to be online with their idle chatter and pointless commentary. The Internet, including BBSs***, were for technical professionals who needed to exchange information, to explore ideas, to seek out new life, new civilizations ... OK, got carried away there, but I think you get the point.

The Internet was an intellectual tool.

These days, it's simply a garbage heap where any idiot with a piece of virtual chalk can scrawl his graffiti onto someone else's work.**** It's the new equivalent of the old drawing horns and mustaches on posters and pictures. Not everything you do needs to be Facebooked, liked, tweeted or checked in. Have a life that doesn't include all this social media nonsense.

Facebook Home is just another unnecessary distraction from what you should be doing: Working, conversing, exchanging ideas, exploring something new or growing a legal garden. Seriously, do something rather than nothing. Updating your status is just silly. Stop it. No one cares. Well, maybe other people doing the same thing might care, and then they'll comment.

Rachel King, who saw a preview of this "new" thing today, summed it up best in her post, First impressions: Hands on with Facebook Home for Android, when she wrote, "There isn't much of a business use case here, except that it might influence other social networks (ie Yammer, Salesforce Chatter, etc.) to start thinking (or speed up) their own Home-like integrations."

She's trying to say, without saying it, that Facebook Home is a totally pointless effort. I hope Zuck didn't spend a lot of money or time on this thing. It just goes to show that not every swing produces a "Home" run. Yes, I just thought that up.

Rachel goes on to say, "And while it looks nifty, it's not enticing enough (at least not yet) to buy a smartphone solely because Home is pre-loaded.

"I'm also skeptical how much Home is going to do for its major OEM partner, HTC. The $99.99 contract price on the HTC First is a better sales pitch, considering the device looked like a steal for that price tag."

I'm skeptical if there's a point to this app at all. I think Facebook is beginning to sink and just needed something to stay in the news and stay relevant. I guess it worked, sort of. Facebook is getting a lot of virtual ink out of the deal, but, in the long run, Home is just silly.

It's hard to believe that a pointless and valueless thing like Facebook can be: a) worth so much money, b) anything but something to laugh at, and c) something that people spend a lot of time on.

It's obvious that we, as people, no longer have to hunt or gather to find food. If we did, we might find it more difficult to spend time on something like Facebook.

It makes me wonder if we've really evolved at all. Perhaps scientists have it all wrong. Maybe we're evolving into plants. Plants with nothing to do but text and update our Facebook statuses about what we had for breakfast or where we're having breakfast.

Status update: Hey, I just made some oxygen. Just made some more. Oh, I just consumed some carbon dioxide. I'm a photosynthesizing fool today. So glad the sun is out. Think I'll go for a ... OK, I guess I'll stay right here and keep updating my status.

Facebook and Facebook Home almost make me long for the good AOL days.

What do you think? Are you a Facebooky? Are you going to try Home? Talk back and let me know.

*You know, popcorn, made in a lid-covered pot, with butter over the stove. If you don't remember, Google it and watch a YouTube video on it, then try it for yourself.

**Google it.


****See any of my Talkbacks or for some real entertainment, check out the commentary on Jason Perlow's posts.

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