Don't get me started about printers.
You buy them, they work for a while and the ink costs more than a decent meal, with wine.
Then one day, seemingly not so long after you bought them, they make a noise like a breaching whale and stop.
It's hard, therefore, to embrace the notion of a printer as anything other than a mercurial necessity.
HP, however, believes a printer is the most uplifting piece of technology you can buy.
I judge this from a new HP ad that lauds the very existence of printers as a life force.
We're in the countryside, away from the office, away from remote work. At least, that's what we think.
Suddenly, we hear the sound of a printer. A printer that works. It's printing out a page.
And when it does, a plant spurts its way out of the ground.
I fear you already know how this is going to go. But walk with me through the forest a little further.
Everywhere, plants and trees are growing at an unreal pace. Truly unreal.
A tree branch grows so quickly that a bird feels forced to land upon it, just to check whether this isn't merely some teasing special effect.
And then the sound of a printer that's run out of paper.
Everything stops growing.
Has the power of the printer to regenerate the world come to an end? Is this, indeed, the end of the world? But no. The printer is refilled with paper and the trees grow again.
Which makes it time for a breathy voice: "Who'd have thought printing could lead to growing trees?"
As opposed to tearing your hair out, perhaps?
Finally, the corporate self-pat on the behind: "With HP+ we regenerate forests for every page you print."
In essence, HP is now the biggest sponsor of the World Wildlife Foundation. It's promising to plant a million trees.
So there you have it. HP's printers are working all the time.
Then may not grow on trees, but they make trees grow.
You'll look at your printer with far more affection now, won't you?