I've spent many days -- well, minutes -- wondering what happens at Microsoft's browser HQ.
"We've got to get people to download Edge," says one large brain.
"Nah, we've got to force them into it," says another. "It's the only way that works. It's the traditional way."
And so Microsoft has tried so many stinky, annoying ways to get customers over (to) the Edge. Making it harder to use other browsers in Windows, for example.
It's clear this isn't going to stop. I'm delighted, therefore, that the latest phase of Microsoft (no-)charm Edge offensive is so wonderfully, well, offensive. To Google, that is.
Spotted by Neowin, Microsoft is offering a perky little popup whenever someone tries to download Chrome from Edge.
It begins: "Microsoft Edge runs on the same technology as Chrome." Which doesn't feel like the greatest recommendation, does it? Nothing new to see here?
And anyway, some people just want to do the Google thing.
Yet it's the kicker that tries to make all the difference: "With the added trust of Microsoft."
Does trying to force your captive Windows users to use Edge engender trust? Or does it incite anger, resentment and a feeling of unwanted captivity? Will insulting Google turn Google users over to your side? They'd better be good insults, surely. Is this one good enough?
As I may have mentioned several hundred times before, I've rarely -- if ever -- seen a company create a very good product and then make no attempt to charm people into trying it. Instead, the old Microsoft hammer comes down, the squeeze on customers gets tighter.
Perhaps you thought that Satya Nadella's softer, kinder management style had created an entirely new attitude at Microsoft. Not when it comes to browsers.
Of course, Google -- and even Apple -- send popups to suggest you try their browser wares. They don't do it with quite the brazen denigration attempted here by Microsoft.
All is, however, not lost. Neowin also found another, um, Edgy popup that attempted humor.
This one tells Chrome users: "That browser is so 2008! Do you know what's new? Microsoft Edge."
I did say attempted humor, right?
And, let's reach for (attempted) objectivity here; Chrome has undoubtedly become a doddery, power-swallowing browser in desperate need of modernizing. Why? Because my colleague Adrian Kingsley-Hughes just declared that ditching Chrome was the best thing he's done all year.
But please, Microsoft. Surely, surely I can trust you to do better than this.