On the occasion of my hairy cow being able to fly...where is WoW for the iPad? Oh, and Green Bay sucks!

What I want to do is sit on the couch, have the game on the big screen, and play WoW on my iPad.
Written by David Gewirtz, Senior Contributing Editor

There's 3:34 to go in the first quarter and Green Bay is just simply obliterating Pittsburgh with a 14-0 lead.

For the record, Green Bay was originally named after La Baie des Puants -- French for "the stinking Bay" (thanks, Wikipedia!) -- and that's name seems all the more appropriate today.

As an official, card-carrying member of the Steeler Nation (I grew up in New Jersey, and we consider Pennsie to be a suburb), I just can't watch anymore. I also can't write about serious government topics while Pittsburgh is going down in flames, so ... this article.

Instead, with the game torturing me from the background, I decided it was time to fire up World of Warcraft and see if I could get my Tauren Druid to finally pop level 60.

I truly enjoy World of Warcraft, but I don't have nearly as much time to play as most people. My wife and I play together, and I do have another toon that's a level 72 (her's is a level 73!).

But, even though the Tauren (which looks like a cow) was created as far back as 2004 (right as WoW released), it's never broken level 60. In fact, my cow stayed in the 40s for almost three years, stuck, marooned and unloved, in Stranglethorn Vale for most of that time.

To WoW players, level 60 is important, because it means your character gets the ability to fly. With the release of the new expansion pack, Cataclysm, the ability to fly becomes even more wonderful, because you can now fly on all the islands, even the first -- Eastern Kingdoms and Kalimdor.

Technical issues about adding flight

Tech note: When Blizzard released it's first expansion pack, The Burning Crusade, they added flight as a character ability. As you might imagine, flight added some interesting issues, like they had to make sure any items above head-height actually had tops to them. So Blizzard opened a new area, Outland, that was designed with flight in mind.

The old areas were not designed with flight in mind, and so Blizzard didn't enable flight in those regions. If they had, you'd fly over certain areas and see emptiness and clipping problems. So, no flight.

But with Cataclysm, they redid all all their maps and made flight more useful everywhere. Cataclysm also made it much easier for casual (read: busy) players to level up, so I had a chance to finally get my Tauren up to level 60 -- and tonight was the night.

He's been sitting at 59 for a few weeks, and rather than watch those Green Bay cheaters continue to spank my "Stillers," I figured it was time to give my cow the bird, literally. When a Druid gets the flight ability, it not only gets the ability to ride a flying mount, it can turn into a bird itself. Very cool.

But then, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Pitt just scored a field goal. I would dance, but I don't dance. Ever. It's a rule.

Now I'm conflicted.

I want to watch the game, but I still can't really look. Too disturbing.

What I want to do is sit on the couch, have the game on the big screen, and play WoW on my iPad. After all, the iPad has to be useful for something other than checking IMDB listings, right? Right?

And then it hit me. The iPad needs WoW. In fact, the iPad would be perfect for WoW. You could tap the little buttons on the bottom of the screen, tilt to walk forward, drag your finger to move your toon, and otherwise quest along, all from the smudged and filthy screen on your iPad.

You might think that WoW would be a challenge, performance-wise, for the iPad. But since WoW's graphics capabilities can, essentially, be downgraded to 2004 levels, the iPad should be able to stand a good chance, especially at its comparatively low screen resolution, of keeping up with WoW's technical demands.

Why WoW and iPad need each other

WoW also needs the iPad. After all, the Cataclysm expansion is the fastest-selling video game in PC history. So, in order to keep up its quest for world domination, Blizzard needs to tap a new market. That market should be the iPad.

Likewise, the iPad needs WoW. While some of you out there claim you actually use your iPads, my experience is that once you're done checking IMDB and playing Angry Birds, the iPad is essentially a very expensive sushi tray. What the iPad needs is something actually fun to do with it -- and WoW would be that something.

Together, the iPad and World of Warcraft could be a sales juggenaut of juggernautian dimensions. Write your Congress-critters and demand Blizzard port WoW to the iPad.

See, there's your government reference, albeit, rather an inane one. What can I say? It's hard to pay attention. Those bastards from Wisconsin are up 21 to The Pitt's 10 and it's halftime.

There's still time for Pittsburgh to come from behind (why does that sound so wrong?), and time for us to drop a nuke on Wisconsin. It's so cold up there, they won't notice it anyway and we'll never have to put up with another "stinky" Wisconsinite.

So my cow hit 60 and got its bird form. Pittsburgh is still losing. You win some. You lose some. We'd all win some if Blizzard ported WoW to the iPad.

That's it. Back to the game. I wonder who'll actually win. Okay, there's hope. Steelers are coming back, 21 to 17. Hang in there, guys!

For the record, the President is apparently watching the game and not -- I imagine to his wife's dismay given her interest in anti-obesity programs -- his weight. The menu includes: bratwurst, kielbasa, cheeseburgers, deep-dish pizza and Buffalo wings with sides of German potato salad, twice-baked potatoes and assorted chips and dips. On the other hand, the President can handle putting on a few pounds. The rest of us, well it just goes straight to my... but that's a story for another day!

Ah, darn. Packers win. Oh, well, there's always next year. Maybe, by then, WoW will be on the iPad and I won't have to watch the game, cringing with each lost pass.

Happy Superbowl, everyone!

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