All of the below were said, mostly by Intel people, within earshot of yours truly. No names no pack drill, and to further protect the guilty (and my job) I have excised some of the fruitier language.
But not all of it. On that note:
"Arm? ARM? What have they got? They can suck my plums"
"China can't be communist. They've got televisions'' (*)
"I'm not going to defend those benchmarks. They're absolutely solid. Anyone can check them out. We've always had a reputation for benchmarks. They're based on physics. Anyone's free to repeat them. I stand by the figures." (and so on, for another minute of sturdy non-defence).
"Oh, shit" – said on stage in front of thousands of engineers and press, when the speaker was unexpectedly thrown a prop on stage.
"Can we cut that?" - same speaker a few seconds later, perhaps taking IDF's tagline "Let's invent a new reality" a little too seriously
"I went to Currys to buy a digital television. The shop assistant said "It's very technical dear, you should send your husband". So I said "I've got a PhD and I work for a tech company". "Yes, dear, but it's still very complicated.""
"That keynote video must have had a bigger budget than AMD's... AMD's... well, AMD."
"Doesn't Pat Gelsinger look like Robert Downey Jr in Iron Man? Has he got a basement at home?"
(*) To be fair, this quote is a decade old and taken out of context – it was being used to illustrate how far the US tech industry has come in ten years in matters international.