Typical. Steve Jobs takes his liver on vacation and all hell breaks loose.
The Apple CEO and notorious sex-positive advocate is famous for saying that there will never ever be any porn in the Apple App Store ever, and that people who want that kind of sicko thing can just put on their raincoats and go to the adult bookstore where they sell Androids.
Except this morning, we woke to media fap-fap-fapping away about Playboy CEO and notorious prude Hugh Hefner Tweeting that, yes Dorothy, there will be Playboobs on the iPad.
An uncensored app? Has the world gone mad?
Not so fast, Hefster.
What he actually said and how it has been spun, and what's really going on, are very different. Stop looking at porn in Safari on your iPad for a minute and stay with me.
Hugh Tweeted, "Big news! Playboy--both old & new--will be available on iPad beginning in March." Through the day he's been Tweeting, "Yes, all the back issues of Playboy will be available on iPad, & current issues as well" and "Playboy on iPad will be uncensored."
First, there's the notion that Playboy is actually relevant, racy and pornographic. This is up for debate, if you can stay awake long enough. Or unless extreme Photoshop is your flavor of hardcore. If so, then you are a special kind of pervert, and I admire that.
But like a Playboy centerfold's jiggly Golden Globes as seen before Rubber Stamp Tool and after, there are two very different versions of what Playboy is making for the iPad. CNet reported this morning Pacific Time,
Playboy confirmed that it's releasing a Web-based subscription service that would give users access to every issue of Playboy past and present.
This service would be compatible with the iPad and use some of the iPad's features.
But the magazine added it's planning to release a non-nude version of a Playboy-branded iPad app in the coming months that would adhere to all of Apple's policies and guidelines.
Got that? There will be no uncensored Playboy in the App Store. Like many other NSFW websites, Playboy is making an app for the iPad. But the app store version will be as chaste and breast-free as Steve Jobs' fantasy garden of pure ideology.
Hef isn't doing much right now to dispel confusion about Playboy's upcoming iPad compatible web service and the separate censored iPad app, but maybe no one told him. Or maybe hopping around after all his bunnies left him out of breath and a little lightheaded today. That's okay. The brand needed a little Viagra boost.
I'm sorry to be the one to tell you that Playboy isn't porn anymore.
Oh, and also that the Playboy iPad App will indeed be censored.