So I'm thinking I need to ask my CEO for his Facebook log-in.
He makes such important decisions for this company, a place I really like to work. Who knows what Facebook might reveal about his personality, habits and daredevil exploits? I mean how many jobs, careers and family incomes are riding on it?
And I also better ask for the log-in to his wife's Facebook page. I wonder if she really wants to move the family to a more attractive city? That could impact me at some point.
It would probably also make sense to get the Facebook log-ins of our board members; they also make a lot of important decisions. I wonder if any of them are blowing off steam about the restrictions laid out by their HOAs or that sewer pipe project near the neighborhood park or something that could trigger a meltdown?
I really need them to help advise this company, I mean I've got a kid off to college in the next few years. I've got interests to protect.
I guess I could pay to do some background checks on these people, seeing how concerned I am, but that would cost a lot of money and time. And people might get the wrong idea.
Come to think of it, I better get the Facebook log-in for the CFO. I need to know he's responsible. Right? I think he drives a pretty nice car. Where did he come up with the money?
And what about that guy running human resources. I need to ask him for his Facebook log-in. I'd like to see what Facebook apps he uses. They could be real telling if he'll treat me fair or not. What if we're not in the same political party?
What if he's a pal with my direct boss? Maybe they go back to their college days. I'd like to examine that photo album. What if I had a dispute with my boss? That could work against me. I might have to turn to litigation, right?
Matter of fact, that mid-level manager over in operations, I need his Facebook log-in. I hope that guy is trustworthy because he can likely see what I store on the network. What if he posted a picture of himself standing next to a guy in a black hat. Maybe they are reading my email or my instant messages.
And I better get the Facebook log-ins from the IT guys. Wikipedia says these guys can sometimes be known as real geeks. I'd like to see what they do with their free time. I might not think it is so cool.
Come to think of it, Fred in the next cube, he's always on Facebook. I should get his log-in. Maybe I'll learn something about the perpetual cough he seems to have. His proximity to me could influence my physical and mental health. That would not be good for my long-term employment. Or my quality home life, where we practice good digital hygiene by sharing our Facebook log-ins.
Professional and personal relationships can be painful. It's comforting to know Facebook is there for me.
Hey, is that a black helicopter outside my window...