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More great Phil Burgess quotes

After we published a list of the funniest and most biting public comments by Telstra's bombastic public policy chief Phil Burgess last week, a number of ZDNet.com.au readers wrote in suggesting more.
Written by Renai LeMay, Contributor

After we published a list of the most biting public comments by Telstra's departing public policy chief Phil Burgess last week, a number of ZDNet.com.au readers wrote in suggesting more.

With this in mind, we have compiled another list. We proudly present the best of the rest: more fantastic and flammable quotes from Phil Burgess, Telstra's public lightning rod for the past three years.


Telstra's Phil Burgess
(Credit: Telstra)

On Melbourne Cup day,:

On this special day of horse racing, I have to make a confession. You know I go by the name of Phil, which stands for Philip. If you didn't know it, Philip means 'lover of horses'. Philip is not my real name. My real name is Phar Lap. Phar Lap Burgess.

I changed my name by deed poll when I was 18. That's when I found out why my dad had named me Phar Lap.

My dad's brother, my uncle, was a pharmacist. In California. He liked to bet on horses. He was also an expert in poisons ... and he was a friend of Tommy Woodcase.

Note: Burgess got the name of Phar Lap's strapper, Tommy Woodcock, wrong.

To former Prime Minister John Howard on who could expect Telstra to stop attacking government regulation:

Only someone from another planet

On Telstra rivals building their own broadband network:

If Optus, Boptus, Moptus or Floptus wants to write a cheque for $4 billion or $8 billion or whatever, go right ahead. Do it. Don't talk about it, do it.

More on regulation:

That era, however, is now truly behind us. We can no longer take a 'cheap ride' on yesterday's infrastructure (POTS: plain old telephone service) using tomorrow's technologies (PANS: the pretty amazing new stuff). One thing is clear: POTS regulations will not work in a PANS world.

Yet more on regulation:

A year is a long time in the digital space: and to freeze regulations for three to four years is to stick one's head in the sand, as if changes in technology and consumer preferences can be programmed on a computer.

On a radio talk show, talking about why Telstra had to turn its CDMA mobile network off:

Because everybody's turning it off around the world. GSM has about 87 per cent market share worldwide. People are running from CDMA like horses from a blazing barn.

I've read that [member of parliament] Barnaby Joyce thinks we should keep CDMA on. I'm sure that if that is the way he feels about it, if he'd been around at the turn of the century he'd want buggy whip manufacturers to keep pushing buggy whips. And the problem is, buggy whips don't work with automobiles.

On why 5GB of mobile data costs more with Telstra:

You need to go back and learn your math. I'm not going to get into all your silly numbers on pricing, I don't think your listeners want to hear you talk about it, or me talk about it.

The fact is, if people don't like the pricing on Next G, they can go to Vodafone. If it's such a good deal, go buy it.

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