Apple politely explains why iPhone cases are a waste of money

You use one because you use one, right? You don't trust yourself. Perhaps now is the time to break out, suggests Apple.
Written by Chris Matyszczyk, Contributing Writer
Apple iPhone 13 Pro Max

Why would you put a case on that?


This has been going on a long time.

I can't remember when the habit was formed, but the vast majority of humanity appears to have adopted it.

No, I'm not talking about posting pictures of your frou-frou dessert to Instagram. This is far more elemental. This is the proclivity to put a case on your phone.

When you buy it, your phone looks so pretty. Just like in the ads. But then you buy a hideous $20 piece of rubber to hide its pulchritude. 

Do you do it because you're afraid of dropping it? Or do you somehow (make yourself) believe that a case will cause your meticulously designed phone to stand out?

Yes, some cases are so, so fetching. Who doesn't want to put sparkles around their phone? Who doesn't buy a lovely blue iPhone and then encase it in an ugly black cape?

I fear Apple has had enough of this. More than enough.

Have you ever seen an Apple executive wrap their iPhone in a case? No, you haven't. But even that example hasn't been sufficient. So the company has now released an ad, surely intended to help you wean yourself off your unaesthetic, anti-aesthetic behavior.

An iPhone 13 is perched on the edge of a table. It has no case. It begins to ring.

You know what happens when an iPhone that's lying on a hard surface rings on vibrate, don't you? It vibrates. It begins to move. Just like a salad spinner if you leave it spinning on your kitchen countertop.

Here, though, you know what's about to happen. The portentous music helps you along.

Down goes the iPhone.

Do we see what state it's in once it hits the floor? We don't. But we do hear it keeps on ringing, so we have to infer nothing untoward has happened.

"iPhone 13 with Ceramic Shield. Tougher than any smartphone glass. Relax, it's iPhone," says Apple.

You see? Apple is sending you a message. Take off your cloaks. Be not afraid. Remove your veil and live to the fullest.

If only you could relax enough to add a tiny amount to this world's beauty. To counteract all its ugliness, you understand.

I confess I've been on this crusade far longer than Apple.

In the earlier days of iPhone cases, these words came to mind: "Putting your iPhone in a case is like buying an Audi, wrapping it in rubber and painting flames down the side of it. It's like going to a three-star Michelin restaurant and asking for ketchup. It's like going to church, chewing gum, and blowing bubbles at the priest."

I feel that Apple is finally joining my one-person cause.

Liberate your iPhone. Liberate your Android. Show the world that your phone is gorgeous. Show the world that you trust yourself enough not to drop your phone in such a way as to smash it. Believe in you, people.

These phones are far better than they used to be. iPhone cases aren't.

Set your iPhone free. We all believe in freedom, right?

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