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Samsung wants you to go out all night (and recover quickly in the morning)
He needs life to be epic. All night. And in the morning.
It's out there.
It's had generally pleasant reviews.
But what are you really, really supposed to do with the Samsung Galaxy S22 range of phones?
They're just new phones, right? You keep them with you. You disappear into them. And, before you know it, a whole day has gone by.
Ah, no. Such a simplistic view.
You must pay attention to how the people who made it want you to use it.
In recent days, Samsung has released a couple of ads to help you understand the true Galaxy S22 ethos.
The first encourages you to go out all night. Your responsibility as an S22 owner is to make nights, um, epic.
Here, then, we see a young, naturally handsome man stare at his phone and suddenly feel inspired to go out. Yes, this is quite rare. Most people who stare into the phones just stay where they are, on an ill-made bed with very low lighting.
But our young, naturally-handsome-hero has to go out at night and photograph, well, everything he sees. He's equipped, you see, with all those wonderful Samsung cameras. And they're equipped with Nightography.
Which sounds like the scientific word for graffiti.
You'd be astonished at what happens when you go out at night.
You'll find other young, naturally handsome men painting, playing football (saacker), playing music and doing wheelies on illuminated bicycles.
That doesn't happen in your town? Why not?
You'll be moved to a tiny tear when I tell you that our hero ends up at the top of a building, where he finds a young, naturally-handsome woman who has clearly been doing more or less what he's been doing.
This is what making the night epic is all about, kids.
But I must warn you. Soon comes the morning. You'll have difficulties with that.
Conveniently, Samsung has emitted a second ad. You'll be stunned into a narcotic wonder when I tell you it's all about making your mornings epic.
You'll not have emerged from your stupor before I tell you this ad is very much shorter than its predecessor.
As far as I can tell, the Galaxy S22 doesn't have Morningography. But it does have super-fast charging, which is very helpful if you're a young, naturally handsome man (or woman) who's just made your night epic.
Here, you see, the young, naturally handsome man wakes up with the young, naturally handsome woman. And another young, naturally handsome woman.
Please don't get the wrong idea. Or even any ideas, frankly. I'm not entirely sure how they all got there, and it's none of our business.
I'm not here to tell you how to live your life. I barely know how to live mine.
But I can tell you that you shouldn't just buy a Galaxy S22 and do all the old things with it.
It's just not natural. And it's certainly not epic.