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In 15 seconds, Apple created a whole world of intrigue
Do you see a slight, human wobble?
What's all the fuss about?
What did I miss?
When did I miss it?
What could it be?
I simply have to know.
These, and other short, blunt utterances surely echoed around the firmament as soon as Apple announced it was holding, gasp, another event on March 8.
Yes, there was an invitation. No, you weren't invited. Yes, you can watch it on YouTube. And, wait, what does "Peek Performance" mean?
It's all too easy for Apple, isn't it? Some junior creative gets to design these invitations and search a thesaurus for a suitable pun, while millions of people wonder what it all signifies. Because it always signifies something deep.
A mere invitation wasn't enough for Apple, however. Its latest SVP of marketing, Greg Joswiak, had to emit a little video on Twitter.
Hundreds of thousands stared at it and speculated.
Peek performance. March 8th. See you there. #AppleEvent pic.twitter.com/cEKMq7BuBh
— Greg Joswiak (@gregjoz) March 2, 2022
Could this be colorful new Macs or even iPads? No, surely this was something to do with AR.
One erudite figure was convinced this could, perhaps, maybe signal the arrival of Apple Glasses. Because you see, he perceived "a slight, human wobble" in the camera movement within these few seconds.
That's the point of all this hype, though, isn't it?
It's trying to create a slight, human wobble.
It's trying to make you believe something astonishing -- well, at least intriguing or vaguely interesting -- is about to arrive, when the greater likelihood is that you'll see a few upgrades here, a few upgrades there and, only perhaps, a peek at something new.
Or not.
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I, long ago, reached the stage when I feared these invitations made senior Apple executives giggle.
How are we going to fool them this time?
What are we going to tease, and how are we going to tease it?
Wait, do we actually have anything to tease this time? Does it really matter?
Oh, what am I saying? March 8 will be a veritable revelation. It'll be full of fine aerial shots of Apple's spaceship and finely scripted Apple executives enunciating superlatives.
Hey, there might even be a bargain iPhone SE, as well as a new iPad Air.
Those would be twin peeks, wouldn't they?