The myopic and the taste-challenged took one look at Palm's new phone -- or, more precisely, phone companion -- and scoffed.
"The stupidest product of the year," wailed one critic.
Come now, no one's going to knock Facebook off that perennial perch.
As often happens when tech purists look at a product, they dissect it from a rational perspective, which is, frankly, quite silly.
As my Exhibit A, may I present Stephen Curry? The Warriors point guard and all-around small genius was laughed at by some as an NBA prospect.
He was too tiny, some "experts" said, to survive in the muscle-bound NBA. He was just a shooting guard who was too frail to be an NBA shooting guard. He was certainly no point guard, they said.
Yes, he went high in the First Round of the draft, but it was to the Warriors. What did they, perennial losers, ever know?
Now look. Kids want to wear his shirt. They go to school or their local courts and shoot from the parking lot. No one could really Be Like Mike. They all think they can Be Like Steph.
And so we come to this Palm (2018) device. It's a phone tethered to your normal phone. Its screen is credit-card size. It's only on Verizon.
Please put your brain away and find access to your soul.
Before last night's opening game against the Oklahoma City Thunder, Curry showed exactly what this new phone is for.
He hung it around his neck and, goodness, did everyone wonder what that thing was.
This isn't a phone at all, you see. It's a fashion item.
It's not as if Curry was seen using it. He's merely showing it off. That's all that matters.
I know that's hard for many to grasp, but listen to what former NBA stars Shaquille O'Neal and Kenny Smith called it on TNT's NBA show: "The Necklace Phone."
Now do you see?
Just as AirPods make you look like a sad person whose mind is being controlled by a nefarious, authoritarian state, the Palm (2018) is 2018's must-have fashion item for those tired of sweatshirts with big logos and sneakers with golden soles.
Good Lord, at $350 it's so much cheaper than something Gucci. And you can even make calls with it, if you try hard.
Just think of all the different necklaces that you'll be able to hang it off. Imagine, too, that you might be able to buy a little hinge and hang it off your breast pocket, like an external pocket square.
Personally, I can't wait for the Palm (2019) Earphone. It'll be the new earring, you understand.
Previous and related coverage:
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$350 for a carrier-locked device is too much money for a smartwatch that, well, isn't one and has very little unique value proposition.