Totally gross iPhone apps

Stool Scanner will collect a stool sample from your finger and predict your next stool. It is intended for entertainment purposes only and does not provide true fingerprint scanning functionality.

Perhaps now that Apple has introduced fingerprint scanning, it may be only a matter of time before the feature is incorporated...

How Much Pee uses your device microphone to detect when you’re peeing. Using the duration and intensity of the peeing sound along with your age and gender, How Much Pee is able to estimate how much you peed.

How Much Pee measures in both ounces and milliliters. You can keep track of your peeing history. Keep track of how much volume you’ve urinated in the last 24 hours and how much you’ve urinated since you installed the app.

For detail-oriented obsessives.

Bacon Farts offers 27 bacon themed fart sounds.

...Why bacon?

Booger Pop offers "nose flicking snot bursting fun".

Might become tedious after a few minutes.

FatGoo is the "ultimate app for creating hilarious fat photos of your friends and family". See what it looks like to "pack on a few or even a *lot* of pounds". You can even customize exactly how the fat looks with your finger. "Gaining weight is now fun."

With obesity the curse of the Western world, I'm sure that most of us are not overly delighted with our weight gain — and certainly would not want to visualise looking even larger.

iCroak tracks the "remaining useful shelf-lives of people that mean a lot or very little to you". It exhorts you to "take the guess work out of death and watch as the seconds of people's lives disappear right in front of your eyes". You can track the expiration dates of up to 10 people seeing the active countdown for each person.

If only death could be this predictable and we could calculate when we would expire using an app like this.

Full term allows you to tap a single button to track the start and end of each of your labour contractions, and Full Term will take care of the rest. The application is designed to keep track of the times, durations and frequency of the entire labour period before giving birth.

Your full labor history and contraction progress will be saved regardless of whether you restart the application during a contraction or restart the entire device. There is no need to keep this application open the whole time. You can also email your contraction history to a health care professional or for your records.

In addition, you get a handy reference that you can use to get a rule of thumb estimate of your progress through labour. You can also configure the duration you wish to keep track of based on your needs.

My iPhone would be the last thing I would want to look at during the final stages of labour!

Pop That Zit allows you to pop all of the nasty pus-filled zits on the app. Collect the most pus to earn yourself a place in the high score hall of pus fame.

Surely folks with zits are having enough fun popping real zits?