Samsung Galaxy Note 9 makes Americans happier than iPhone 11

The new American Customer Satisfaction Index offers some bracing results.

05-samsung-galaxy-note-9.jpg

The happy maker.

Do you pick up your phone every day, smile at it and say: "You know something, you really make me happy."?

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I suspect many Americans quietly do. Until, that is, they open a news app. Or Twitter.

Still, over recent times, there's emerged a sense that most smartphones are really quite good. They're more reliable and they serve many purposes more than adequately. So much so that people don't need to change their phones so regularly.

Surely, though, you occasionally wonder whether there's a phone that can make you happier than your own.

What perfect timing, then, that the American Customer Satisfaction Index has just released its 2020 results for smartphones. And stirring they are.

Some, though, may even find them depressing. I, for one, looked for my iPhone XR and saw that it's nearer the bottom of the list. It's tied, indeed, with the LG Stylo 5, a phone that has rocked my consciousness as much as mauve shoe polish.

I know the XR isn't perfect, but I now almost feel shame for owning one.

I forced my eyes to drag themselves toward the top of the list. I didn't have to go very far before feeling even more perturbed. For a mere one satisfaction point higher than my XR was the iPhone 11 Pro, a phone that has enraptured reviewers.

How can this be? What has happened in the American psyche to warp perceptions? Or could it be that reviewers aren't so close to real humans as I'd imagined?

I scanned ever upward, my eyelids twitching. They could barely pause when they saw that the iPhone 11 -- another reviewer favorite -- scored a single satisfaction point more than its Pro big sibling.

I could do no more than race to the very top. And there stood proudly the Samsung Galaxy Note 9. This is the phone that gives Americans the greatest glow.

It's not exactly a new phone, is it? How uplifting it would be if Americans were actually appreciating long-term relationships more than the prettiest new thing being peddled.

I still worry, however, that, of the top four phones, only one is an iPhone. And it's the iPhone XS Max.

I know how sensitive iPhone owners can be. I want to leave them with hope, rather than cause to send me caustic -- or even oddly personal -- emails.

Well, the satisfaction index also showed that, overall, Americans were slightly happier with Apple's phones than with Samsung's. This may be partly due to recent iPhones enjoying better battery life.

There, Cupertinians. Feel better now?